I've been sick since late November with a staph. infection. In addition I've had bronchitis, insomnia, and anxiety attacks. I've put on a least 20 pounds. I have no energy to be the parent I want to be, much less exercise as I should.
What is wrong with me?
Off we go... putter over to a doctor... it is this or that. I get pill after pill after pill... Three different antibiotics, pain pills, acid reflux medicine, anxiety medicine. Go to the emergency room TWICE for ear pain and anxiety. Get more pills. Pay more co-pays. Have the infected ear lanced and the pus scooped out. Cry. Cry some more. Look at wallet and then cry harder.
I decided to try a more healthy approach and went to a wellness center; a husband and wife team run a chiropractic/nutritional clinic; they are professional and caring. Free consultation -- yay! The nutritionist wife tests me: lying on a table with one arm in the air she pushes against my arm and asks me to resist. I use my arm strength and my body doesn't waver -- she can't push my arm down. She hands me a sugar cube to hold and when she pushes my arms turn to Jello. My body is reacting to the white sugar. She tells me I have scars on my body, because I tested positive for a scar reaction. What? No I don't. She asks me if I have every had body piercings. Yup. Its the scars on my nipples from that ill-thought out piercing. She asks questions. Am I tired? Yes. Do I gain weight easy? Yes. Insomnia? Yes. Prone to infections? Yes. Everything she said made sense -- my thyroid is fucked. That is my main problem. Fix it and my adrenal, bladder, digestive, ear, and ovary problems are done.
I sign up for an appointment. $75 for the visit and at least $150 for nutritional supplements. I steady myself. I deserve to be healthy and decided to take the money from savings. Set up the chiropractic appointment -- they have payment plans -- a little over $70 per month for 12 months. Awesome.
Vibrating and near drooling in a deluxe massage chair I wait for my paperwork to go through. Soon, I will be thin, able to sleep, and not be so sick. Appointments set, I head home. As soon as I leave I feel this pit in my stomach grow. This will be a lot of money. When I arrive home I look at my bank book and bills and do some calculations. Bare minimum the cost for me to be healthy is over $1000 and that isn't including the weight-loss cleanse. I could pay that towards my debt. I could put that in savings!
What was I thinking? Dejectedly, I call the place back, cancel all appointments and payment plans. The receptionist says she understands and that I can always come back; she croons "you deserve health."
Deserving things is what got me into such serious debt before. I deserve a pedicure once in awhile because I'm terrific. I deserve spending a vacation day shopping with Hope.
In RealityLand, deserving doesn't mean shit. Yes, I deserve to not be in pain and to be healthy and rested, but goddamn it I'm poor and deserving just doesn't cut it.
I do, however, feel justified in taking a long lazy nap this afternoon. Goodnight, wake me when I'm not so broke.
4 comments:
Awww...I feel your pain! Being poor sucks! The last couple times I had to take Max to the doctor it cost me $200 :-( I shouldn't be the one crying leaving from his appointment!
I can't afford to take myself. I do need to seriously lose weight and get healthy, but I guess I am on my own with that.
i'm so sorry about all that amanda. "deserving" things is what got us screwed over too. so in one repsect, you should be proud of yourself for catching that before you made that mistake.
It's tough making those difficult decisions. I hope you find a cheaper alternative!
Every girl deserves a nice day at the spa. My daughter wanted me to finance this Pedicure Massage Chair but I declined. Since it was installed it has been used a lot. She brought me in to get a try at it. It was amazing and I'm helping with the second chair. Happy now Josie?!?
Post a Comment