Thursday, February 4, 2010

Comfort Food

I should have known yesterday was going to be terrible when I woke with a nightmare at 3:45 in the morning.  I dreamed that my cat, Beauregard, and I went to the restroom early in the morning.  I walked into the bathroom and shut the door.   Then I noticed a huge writhing mass of vipers in the bathtub.  On top of the snakes, was some of Beau's cat food.  Beau start towards the tub to get the food and then I tried waving the snakes away.  The snakes started hissing and crawling up the walls, darting at me as if to attack.  Then brave Beauregard tried to shield me from the serpents by fighting off the snakes.  The snakes grabbed Beau and began to drag him down the drain.  I couldn't save him and I was helpless watching.

I woke up sobbing and made Sam wake up to listen to my dream.  Then Sam assured me that there were no snakes and Beau was quite safe with me.  Sam went back to sleep while I cuddled with Beau and tried my best to fall back asleep.  No luck.

So by 4:15 a.m. I was up.  I padded downstairs to the kitchen and decided to bake some chocolate cupcakes for a student-worker.  I knew I had to do it some time, so I figured I'd bake while I was miserable and awake.  They turned out lovely (and delicious).  

Then I had a completely abysmal day at work.  I won't go into details, but I've never felt so overwhelmed, overworked, and unappreciated in my life.  I was so close to quitting on the spot (which I would actually never do because there are NO JOBS IN GEORGIA).  Instead, I wept in the middle of the office by the fax machine.  Some coworkers bundled me off to an empty office and I cried and cried.  Today a different coworker is crying and earlier in the week yet another coworker was crying.

When I came home I cried and blubbered some more and then I decided I needed some comfort food.  I started making a HUGE pot of soup.  I started with butter in the pan and added onions, garlic, and celery.  Then I added in smoked sausage and potatoes.  After 20 minutes of simmering, I threw in a bag of frozen veggies, broth, water, and Parmesan cheese rind.  About 30 minutes later the soup was ready.  With a dollop of sour cream on top and a huge mug of Irish tea (with plenty of sugar and milk) by my side I was ready to eat.  It was 8:30 at night.  Hope was in bed and Sam was at work.  I ate my soup, sipped my tea, read Villette and felt restored. 

Of course, a nerd cannot live on soup and tea alone.  I also engaged in some book therapy.  I updated my Amazon Wishlist and bought some books. I only bought 3 -- an American Girl book for Hope, the new updated version of Madwoman in the Attic, and a journal for list-making called Curious Lists.  The books, tea, soup, and thought of list making calmed me considerably. 

Today will be rough.  We have a monster 2 + hour meeting (most likely it will be 3 hours).  I brought my embroidery for the meeting to keep me focused and calm.  After work, Sam has offered to hang with Hope so I can go discuss Villette with some friends over coffee.  And the best part -- tonight at 8 p.m.Turner Classic Movies is playing my favorite movie of all time, The Uninvited

Balancing the horrid parts of my life with simple indulgences will be the thing that keeps me sane. 


Traci said...

Amanda, what the heck is going on??? I hope whatever it is goes away, and fast. A letter is due soon. And those chocolate cupcakes look divine!

Giggly said...

Poor thing! ((HUGS)) Comfort food always helps, even if it's just a little. :)

Anonymous said...

Oh, my heart so goes out to you. I have been there myself, feeling simultaneously over-whelmed and under appreciated. Sounds like you are proactively counteracting the negative effects. That's so essential. Good luck.

Heather said...

I hate that work is so crappy. It is terrible that you are crying during the day. That is absolutely terrible! I hope whatever is wrong gets fixed and SOON. (((hugs for Amanda)))

Incidentally, I LOVE THE UNINVITED TOO! I remember watching it for the first time when I was, like, 13, and it gave me the heebyjeebies! I just love me some Ray Milland anyway. Now I'm wishing I got TMC! *sobs*

Diane said... sorry yesterday was so horrible for you. I loved what you did in the evening to make yourself feel better---a gal after my own heart.

Hope today was better 4 you.

Catherine said...

it's a little late now, but i've been thinking about you for a couple days, and everytime i get a second to call you, something intercedes and distracts me.

i'm sorry about that.

i know it's kinda overdue, but i am working on the quilt again... almost done with the top, so we're in the home stretch.

Cassie said...

Hi there, I've been reading your blog awhile but haven't commented cause well I'm a compulsive lurker! But I just wanted to say that I understand what you are going through with a tough work situation. Don't feel bad about the crying, sometimes that's just what you need and just try to focus on the good things (I hope there are a few) at work like the co-workers you like or anything. I've found lately that looking for a new job occasionally helps because I know eventually there will be a new opportunity I'm interested in. Keep the faith and keep writing such a great blog!