Big News!

On Monday I had an ultrasound and guess what?  We're having a girl!  I thought it was a girl and it is nice to know my instincts were right. 

Please let me formally introduce you to  Persephone Jane.

We liked Persephone when I was pregnant with Atticus and it was certainly a front runner girl name. There are several reasons why this is a perfect name:

1. Persephone is fierce and feminine.  It has an origin in Greek Mythology.  It is pretty freaking metal, which was a requirement from Sam, and the name means Bringer of Destruction.  I know?  Metal is all get out. However, Persephone was also pretty close to her mom, Demeter, and springtime occurred when Hades would release Persephone to visit her mom. She is also the goddess of flowers and growing plants.  So we have metal badassery and dainty blossoms.  Sounds like the perfect little girl.
2. It fits into the name style of our other kids, Hope and Atticus.  You may think that Hope certainly isn't Mythological, but let me remind you that it was the only thing left in Pandora's box.  Atticus is greek in origin, so Persephone fits right in.
3. I HATE traditional nicknames for boy and girl names (Mandy, Will, Tommy, Suzie, bleh....) and I wanted an uncommon nickname.  We are going with the nickname of Persy.  Atticus can say it, it is unusual without being too weird, and it has an element of androgyny.  
4. It has versatility.  Persephone can go by her full name, Persy, Persy Jane or even PJ.  
5. Jane is for my three favorite Janes:  Jane Eyre, Jane Austen, and Jane Grey.
6. I don't think I even need to point out the other obvious literary connection.   Truth be told we almost named her Persephone Grey, but apparently there is a trashy fanfic writer with that handle.

We are so so so excited beyond excited.  Atticus wants a baby sister because his friend at daycare has one. Hope will be almost 13 years older than this baby and she is already talking about painting toenails, taking her shopping, and passing on her little girl toys.  Sam is happy that Persy will have an intimidating dad and an older brother who looks like he will be the size of a linebacker (and Hope thought her future dating life is gonna be rough).  And me?  I'm just happy.  Good ole bursting at the seams happy.

Motherload: Tots, Tweens, and Tears

Most of the time, motherhood comes easily to me.  The combination of household management, motherhood, and working outside of the home full-time can be a demanding challenge, but cuddling, caring, and teaching my children is second nature.  I take that back.  It is first nature; loving my children comes to me as simply as breathing. 

Right now, though, I find myself in a difficult time.  The love is still strong and present, but I feel this fluttering of panic, fear, and failure in the most tenderest place in my heart.  Nothing is medically wrong with my kids;  we've battled colds and stomach viruses and a good dose of chicken noodle soup and cuddles weather us through the tough times.  I may feel a bit of panic or helplessness, but bronchitis is not caused by my failure -- or perceived failure -- as a mom. 

Without being too terribly specific -- as Hope is old enough to have a say in what is blogged -- I'll try to explain my current mom-craziness. 

Basically -- I have a toddler and a tweenager.

Let me say that again.  A Toddler and a Tweenager -- Tears?  Yes.  Obstinacy?  Yes.  Milestones? Yes.  Constant need for attention? Yes.  Feeling like you cannot protect your child from pain? Yes.  Atticus is leaping off of things and climbing and constantly nursing physical hurts and Hope is navigating the emotionally fraught -- and often painful -- life of middle school.  I can try to make the house safe for Atticus, but if he randomly decides to jump into a wall and bite his lip or bash his head all I can do is hug him afterwards and let him cry.  If Hope forgets a school project, is mocked by the mean girls, or plays a "squeaky" note in band all I can do is hug her afterwards and let her cry. 

This is just day to day worry; that my children are hurt or hurting and I'm helpless. 

We've started a new rigorous study schedule with Hope in the evenings.  I'm at a bit of a disadvantage because I was homeschooled and I didn't have gobs of homework -- all of my study was homework.  Hope did really well in 6th grade.  She had one teacher for science and social studies and one teacher for math and language arts.  The entire class had classroom iPads to use and Hope never had homework.  Fast forward to 7th grade: four teachers instead of two, no iPads, and expectations for her to work independently.  She brought home her report card two weeks ago and it was not good.  Really, really not good.  Hope is exceptionally bright, creative, and vivacious.  She is also disorganized and loves to talk in class.  Now every evening Sam or I sit with her during homework time; we check her class notes, quiz her on vocabulary, pre-grade homework, insist on corrections, and push her to focus.  It is helping her, but it is exhausting and sometimes frustrating.  I'm impatient and I'm not accustom to the public school thought process.  I want to go make Egyptian food and go to a museum and read The Book of the Dead... I don't want to rattle off facts on a worksheet page.  Now I'm wishing I'd homeschooled Hope, but I know that won't work with my need to work full time and Hope said she'd "rather be dead."  Taking this social butterfly out of school would crush her and pair that with our stubborn head butting and I just can't see it working.  Now I'm working on a plan to homeschool Atticus and baby #3 when Atticus hits kindergarten.  I don't know if it will work and that is endlessly frustrating.  I feel like an ineffective parent.  Maybe I'd helped her all along, or homeschooled, or done something differently there wouldn't be this nightly struggle.

Atticus is going through some weird love-hate relationship with me.  He is so well-behaved at school or when I'm not at home, but when I am home or with him he is an emotional mess.  He screams when I go to the bathroom, or have to cook dinner, or decide to hug Sam or Hope.  He slaps me, pinches me, and bites me.  Even when he isn't angry, he will lean over and sink his teeth into me and not let go.  I popped him on the bottom the other day, which is something I really, really, really don't want to do.  He wouldn't quit biting me and he actually broke the skin.  Now I know this makes him sound like a demon child, but he isn't.  He is only this way with me.  Occasionally he'll hit his sister when they are playing, but that is partly because Hope hasn't mastered that toddlers don't understand intricate games or detailed imagination play; all he knows is that Hope has his Thomas Tank engine and he wants it back.  He also isn't always in a rage when he is hurting me.  We'll be cuddling and reading a book and he'll randomly slap the piss out of me.  The only thing I can figure is that he knows I'm pregnant and isn't handling it well. He is a sweet, funny, smart boy 98% of the time, I'm just getting the brunt of the mean toddler 2% and it is wearing me thin.

My day begins with getting both kids ready for school, handling work all day, picking up Atticus, rushing home to chores and dinner, supervising Hope's chores, being beaten and yelled at by a 2 year old, putting the surly tot to bed and then spending 2 hours at the table with Hope monitoring her homework.  Hope heads to bed around 9:30 and then I shower, prep for the next day, and fall into bed exhausted.  In the back of my mind is worry that next year I'll have a newborn too. 

Then I feel inadequate.  Sam helps out with kids, chores, and dinner.  I will only have 3 kids and I know so many people with more children.  How do they do it all? 

Of course my nagging selfishness is present.  Sometimes -- okay a lot of times -- during these intense parenting spells I think about how much I want to read or bake or write or stitch.  I'd like to be able to take a crap without someone screaming at me through the door or yelling out for someone to focus and get back to Algebra.  I'd like to take a shower longer than 10 minutes.  I'd like to spend "time" with my husband and not be repelled by one more person touching or needing me.  Hell, even the cat gets pushed off my lap. 

I'm trying very hard to remember that it is nice to be needed.  When Atticus nursed every 2 hours for an entire year it was exhausting, now he rarely slows down to cuddle and I miss those nursing days.  I remember the first time Hope told me I didn't need to tuck her in bed. That hurt.  I felt superfluous.  When Hope is in college and doesn't need me to call out vocabulary words I'll miss it and when Atticus is older and doesn't feel the need to have me all to himself because he has friends and hobbies I'll grieve to a certain extent.  It is just so very hard to live in the present.  I need to remember that life is about balance:  each stage has challenges and joys.

And if anyone has ideas on how to get a charmingly sweet toddler boy to quit wailing on his pregnant mom or to inspire a 7th grader with interest in Taylor Swift and glitter nail polish to strive for academic success let me know.  In the meantime I'll keep on truckin'.

Thoughts and Suggestions for Once-a-Month Shopping?

One of my best character traits is that I'm an all-or-nothing person.  One of my more terrible character traits is that I'm an all-or-nothing person.  If I can't do something 100%, then I probably won't do it all.  However, I find that I really need to learn how to do a bit and make it work.

I'm thinking about all of this because of grocery shopping.  I've tried once-a-month cooking in huge swoops where I spend 12 hours in the kitchen.  I've tried subsisting on cereal or sandwiches for dinner.  I've tried giant once-a-month shopping trips and gave up when I realized it didn't work for me to buy 80% of a month's food in one shopping trip.  And now, my once a week shopping just isn't working.

Here Is what I currently do:

• I spend roughly $140-$160 a week on groceries (this includes all toiletries and diapers).
• This totals to about $640 a month. 
• I shop once a week at Publix.  I am a hardcore Publix fan.
• I coupon.
• I spend my Friday night planning meals for the upcoming week.

Here are the problems with my current system:

• Our grocery expense is our third largest expense.  Rent is first, then daycare, and then grocery.
• Our rent is cheap for a three bedroom, two bath house.  Daycare is discounted since it is through my employer.  This means if I really want to significantly trim my budget, I need to cut grocery spending.
• We will have less money very soon.  My maternity leave at work is very generous.  I get 12 weeks paid maternity leave, but because so many employees took the full twelve weeks of paid leave and then never came back, the university had to alter the policy.  When I go on leave in February, I will get 70% of my pay and then when I return to work I will get the remaining 30%.  This means we will be living on a reduced budget while I'm on leave as Sam and I contribute equally to our household income.  Also, beginning in May, daycare will shoot up to be our most expensive bill.  Yikes.  I need to start living on the cheap (or cheaper than I already am) now.
• I'm really tired of spending two+ hours every week combing through coupons and cookbooks, constructing meals that suit our busy work days, and trying to figure out how to save us money.  I'd rather spend my Friday nights reading.
• The above weekly system will certainly not work with a newborn infant.  I'll be unable to drive for four weeks after the c-section and then taking a baby on a long shopping trip every week is not exactly fun and I don't want to have to pump just to go to the store.

A Goal:

• My goal is to reduce us down to spending $500 a month total on groceries, diapers, cleaning supplies, and toiletries.  This will save us up to $1,800 a year which works out to 12 weeks of daycare for one child or six weeks of daycare for the two littlest Ropers. 

 A Possible Answer?

• Once a Month shopping seems to be an answer.  I get the groceries in one trip.  I plan the meals for the month.  Voila!

Okay, Maybe Not a Complete Answer?  A Few Issues: 

• When I was a single mama, I was able to stock up.  Once I bought 12 boxes of Cheerios for less than $7 total thanks to a rad Publix sale and couponing.  That cereal last me and a 7-year-old Hope six months.  Now that I'm married to a Hagrid-sized man, I find that if it is available it gets eaten. Sam pours his cereal into a giant mixing bowl (God help us when Atticus is a teen!) and a bag of Lays or a 1/2 gallon of Edy's is a snack.  He is a large, powerful man with a physically demanding day job and now that we have one car he bikes everywhere.  I . cannot. get. him. full.  Hope is a picky tweenager and her only food groups (if she had her way) would be carbs and ketchup.  My having less "fun food" she may actually have to eat a non-starchy veggie.
• Sam and I get paid weekly, which works out pretty well.  However it is really difficult  to plan and save for a $500 grocery trip.  Seriously.
• Practicality.  As much as I would like to, I'm not going to prepare seven home-cooked lovely dinners a week.  I will probably make four home-cooked meals a week with the remaining three being leftovers or sandwiches or a frozen pizza.  I not only need items for meals, but things that are easy for Sam to make when I'm at work or for those days when we really don't want to do very many dishes.
• Space.  I'm cool with my pantry, but I only have my refrigerator freezer.  Stuffing it with a month's worth of meat, frozen veggies, and a few convenience items will quickly fill it up.  Keep in mind, I also have to allot for gobs of breast milk next year!

Doh! 

Here is my issue!  I've hit on it.  I've been trying to do Once a Week Shopping vs. Once a Month Shopping.  One or the other.... one or the other... How about a little of both?  Why do I feel the need to do all or nothing?

The Plan:

•  I have planned meals for the month of September:  four meals a week with three "wildcard" meals which means sandwiches, leftovers, a frozen pizza, dinner out, etc....
• My experimental budget is $350 for the first week, with $50 allotted each week for the rest of the month.  This will usually total to $500 a month.
• The first week I will shop at Sam's (a bulk shopping center) and buy meat, cheese, pasta, beans, and other basics for meals.  I will also buy toiletries, pet items, baking supplies, diapering needs, and cleaning materials.  I will pick up just enough milk, chips, cereal, and produce for the week.
• Each week after I will take $50 and pick up milk, on sale cereal and bread, chips and other lunch bag items, and produce.
• I've informed Sam and the kids that mama is no longer buying ice cream, cookies, and cakes with grocery money.  I get those things on sale and with coupons, but they aren't part of a meal and they tend to be obliterated in the space of a few days.  If we want those treats we need to use our spending money.  I don't know about you, but I rather buy books than a gallon of ice cream!
• Instead of quick treats, I am going to try to make a dessert one night a week or a batch of cookies for lunches for the week.  I can make those things cheaply and I actually know what goes in the items I bake; they aren't chock full of additives and in unnecessary packaging.
• I'm also experimenting with making some homemade cleaners and baby wipes.  That should save me some cash.  

The Answer?: 

We'll have to see how this goes, but I think I've hit on a good plan.  I've got the best of both worlds.  I'm buying those more expensive items like meat and diapers in bulk, which will reduce their cost.  I'm avoiding the family gorging on a month's worth of cereal, but I'm keeping fresh produce and milk on the table so to speak. 

I'm certainly open to hints, suggestions, or your stories about once-a-month-shopping or grocery budgets in general. 

Wish me luck!

Oh My... How Pinteresting: 08/02/2012

I have decided to sign up for the Pin it and Do it Challenge this month.  I decided to to this when I made a pinboard of completed pins and realized I've only done two pins... one in October of 2011 and one this past July.  Sheesh!  Hopefully this will compel me to actually do something.  I signing up for the second level, Pinterested which is to complete 4-7 pins in the month of August.  I've shared some of the things I want to to here and here, but here are a few more things catching my eye:

Veggies make me puke right now, but I think I could eat this!

Homemade baby wipes

Washcloth patterns... this is quick way to use up yarn!

I'm thinking this would be great in my room or in the living room

Atticus's burp cloths were used to death.  I need to make a bunch before baby #3 arrives

Whelp.  I think I have enough on my plate for now.  Time to actually get my butt in gear and make stuff.

Join in with the fun!

Monday Mish-Mash: 05/14/2012

-- On Saturday Hope went to Six Flags with the Middle School Band.  They also competed in a competition and got Superior markings.  Go Hope!
-- Since Hope was out and Sam was working at the tattoo shop, I went to my parents' house after nap time.  Atticus really enjoyed Papa's Strawberry Pie.

-- That evening I pretty much just hunkered down with some Elizabeth Bowen and read until time to pick Hope up.  I got to the Middle School around 9:45pm (luckily Atticus was home with Daddy) and encountered the worst traffic ever.  We finally got home around 10:30.  I should point out that I live less than 5 miles from the school.
-- Sunday morning was PERFECT.  I woke up around 7am.  It was raining outside.  My bedroom looked very, still and blue and clean and peaceful.  Sam was sleeping and Atticus was curled up beside me nursing.  Shortly thereafter Sam and Atticus woke and Sam said he would watch the kiddos while I slept late.  I GOT TO SLEEP UNTIL 9AM!!!!!
-- While I was asleep (and Hope was still conked out in her room) Sam and Atticus went shopping.  When I woke up I had a brand new 12-quart stockpot and some Pyrex storage dishes!  This is in addition to the poet stamps he bought me the day before.  I'm so spoiled.  He also bought me a Mother's Day latte.
-- We spent the morning puttering around the house and I went grocery shopping.
-- That afternoon (after naptime, of course) we went to Sam's art opening at Inman Perk.  Here is a bit about Sam's art (by moi).
-- The best pictures of Sam's art are on the Inman Perk website.  He also designed a label for Inman Perk's charity coffee blend:

Have a Heart Charity Blend!

-- ALL the proceeds from the Have a Heart blend go to my St. Baldrick's participants page and will help me reach my goal of raising $1,500 for pediatric cancer research. 
-- We had a wonderful time at the art opening.  Sam's already sold several works and the kiddos were well behaved for over two hours.

Wee artists at work (aka being silly and eating chalk)

-- When we arrived home I hung out for a bit and then Sam gave me the greatest introvert mom gift around:  time alone.  I went to JoAnn and bought some scrapbooking supplies (omg another hobby?).  I had pizza and chatting with my friend Naomi at Atlas Pizza.  Then I went home, brewed some tea, listened to the rain, and enjoyed my perfectly still house.  It was lovely.  I even journaled a bit.

A wonderful weekend all around.  Today was alright at work and I only cried once.  I'm trying this optimism thing on for size!

I hope you all had a lovely Mother's Day!

Introvert Mom Break....

I'm on vacation this week (actually my vacation started on Friday). I spent the weekend hanging out with the kids and Sam.  On Monday Hope and Atticus were both out of their respective "schools" so we had fun going to the park:

On Tuesday Atticus went to daycare and Hope - who was still on fall break -- helped me flip bedrooms.  Hope is now in the master bedroom, Atticus is in Hope's former room, and the Ma and Pa room is in the former nursery (i.e. the smallest bedroom).

For the rest of the week both kiddos are in school and Sam is at work and I am HOME ALONE.  Oh dear god it is glorious.  If I don't have time alone I'm a cranky, cranky woman.  This week is offering me a chance to recharge.  The cleaning is done.  Laundry is nearly caught up.  The weather is autumnal.  Right now I'm listening to the wind dancing about the falling tree leaves.  There has been loads of cuddling with the cat while reading Gothic novels.  I've puttered about the house brewing pots of tea and listening to Sufjan Stevens, The Decemberists, and Fleet Foxes.  I have some birthday crafts going and a soup simmering in the slow-cooker.

So while it has been looking like this outside:

I thought I'd show you all my cozy little nooks in my newly cleaned house.  Hey, I'm enjoying it while it lasts:

Now it is time to go curl up with Beauregard Kitty and read. 

F is for Food

Who doesn't love food?  This post could easily be a list of top restaurants or favorite eats, but I decided to focus it a bit more and discuss my favorite dairy-free foods.

Atticus has issues with processing dairy and since I'm nursing him this means that I've had to eliminate dairy in my diet.  I love cream in my coffee, cheese, butter, and other delectable dairy items and I was depressed and stressed when I had to cut it out of my diet.  What really sucks is I had stocked the fridge with things like yogurt and cheese sticks just before Atticus was born.  Healthy, packed with protein, and easy to eat while mothering a newborn, I thought I was ready to go.  Then I learned I couldn't eat those things and that many of my pantry items (cereal, crackers, granola bars, etc...), frozen foods (quick dinners, pre-made frozen casseroles I made while pregnant, frozen veggie combos), and refrigerator items (my lunch meat had dairy) had dairy.  What the hell was I going to eat?  I consume a steady supply of fruit and veggies, but  geez-louise, no dairy?!?! And of course the entire time I was nursing around the clock which left me exhausted and STARVING.

With a bit of research and help from a vegan friend I discovered a bevy of delicious items to eat.  Some of the food choices I already knew and loved and it was exciting to know I could continue eating those things.

Here we go, my top non-dairy eats:

Asian Food
My favorite food before ditching dairy was Thai food, so going dairy-free was the perfect excuse to indulge in basil rolls, curries, Pad Thai, coconut soup and other delicious Thai dishes.  Also, I can have non-Americanized sushi (no cream cheese, please) and big delicious bowls of Vietnamese Pho.   

Almond Milk
I'm pretty sure that even when I go back to dairy I'll still embrace almond milk.  Smooth and nutty and low calorie (often 60 calories a serving) this milk works in baking and on breakfast cereal.  However, I like it best with hot drinks: creamer in my coffee, mixed with chai, or warmed with a little bit of nutmeg and vanilla.

Chocolate Almond Dream Ice Cream
I adore ice cream and this has been the most difficult item to give up.  I've tried different "non-dairy frozen treats" but most of them are meh.  I like this one, though, it is chocolatey, but not too rich.


Sweet Potato Tater Tots
This is the most brilliant food ever created.  I love sweet potato fries, but this is a step up.  I bake them in the oven and then salt/pepper them.  I think they'd also be good sprinkled with cinnamon before baking.  Now that Atticus is eating some solid food I can give him sweet tater tots to eat and I feel better than giving him straight-up potatoes.  At least sweet taters are an actual veggie!


Vegan White Pizza
The recipe is here and I promise you it is DELICIOUS!  In fact, I think I want a slice right now.

Cake
I've had many delicious vegan baked goods, but these two cakes are my favorite and I couldn't choose just one.  The Chocolate Vegan Death Cake at The Grit is divine; it is so rich and smooth I'm sure women through themselves at this cake.  I'm happily married and I still thought about running off with a big slice.  The second cake is one my friend Heath made for my birthday, Ginger Macadamia Coconut Carrot Cake. The recipe is from Isa Chandra Moskowitz's Vegan with a Vengeance cookbook.

Earth Balance
This vegan fake butter spread is pretty good.  It doesn't taste gross.  In fact, I've been using it on pasta, toast, and veggies for Sam and Hope and they aren't complaining.  It also works okay in baking.  I've only had one recipe not turn out so hot from using this spread (it was blueberry pecan oatmeal cookies, the cookies fell apart and didn't hold together)

Muffins
Once again, I'll have to pimp Isa Chandra Moskowitz's Vegan with a Vengeance.  I made the pumpkin muffins over the weekend (but I cut the sugar in half and used applesauce rather than oil) and Atticus eats them for breakfast.  Really any muffin recipe can be turned dairy-free (at least in my experience).  Simply replace butter with Earth Balance and replace milk with Almond Milk.  There you are, breakfast that isn't cereal with labels you must scrutinize!




It has been a struggle switching to a dairy-free lifestyle, but once I found some delicious things to eat things were smoother.  One day (after I wean Atticus) I'll go back to dairy, but I'll probably still use Almond milk, make healthy muffins, and eat vegan pizza and Thai food with some regularity.

Yay food!

For Alicia Hope

This morning you were grumpy.  You stayed in your room for a solid half-hour after waking.  I heard drawers opening and slamming shut.  You stomped around your room in one new tennis shoe and the boot for your foot contusion.  Doors opened.  Bathroom door slammed shut.

After the 900th outfit change you sat at the table glumly stirring your bowl of Cream of Wheat.  Amidst the eye rolls and dramatic sighs you played with your little brother, you hugged your Dad, you nervously asked me if I liked your shirt.

Then you were out the door with a well-stocked backpack:  money for a school locker, lip gloss, bracelets, school supplies, lunch... you walked with head down to the school bus.  Nervous and excited.  Your ponytail bounced as you walked and yes, your shoes match your backpack perfectly.

I can't believe you're starting the sixth grade.  MIDDLE SCHOOL.  You'll be playing the trumpet, keeping up with class changes, and joining clubs.  I know it is clichéd, but honestly I feel like it was just yesterday I dropped you off for your first day of daycare yesterday when you were 18 months old. Now you're 11!   The time is going by too fast.

I wish I could say that this will be the best time of your life and with only good: friends, band practice, clubs, first crushes and most likely first boyfriends..... But I also know that my middle school years were harsh:  bullies, gossip, body changes, heartache, school stress....  There will be plenty of tough times mixed in with the good and exciting.

Already you're forming your own opinions and ideas.  I watch you planning and dreaming and wishing things for the future.  I want so badly to jump in and plan, dream, and wish with you.  I want to be right there to celebrate the joys and wipe away the tears and hurt, but I know that you are forging your own path.  I must strive to offer you support and space.

When you were in the womb I thought about what I wanted for you in life and how I viewed my role as a parent.  More than anything I want you to be independent.  I want you to be your own person and know your own mind.  I've spent the last 11 or so years letting you pick your clothes, express your mind, and make choices.  I haven't given you blatant independence.  You've also had responsibility: chores, consequences, and more than a few disappointments.

Now its time for this Mama to take a deep breath and step back.  I'll help with homework, I'll answer questions, I'll offer my counsel, and (of course) there will still be discipline and rules, but I promise, Alicia Hope, to resist my urge to helicopter, to let you wear your mismatched socks without comment, to curb my snarky reactions to Selena Gomez music, I won't forcibly hug you in front of your friends....  I promise to let you be you and part of that is letting you experience those joys and hurts without me sheltering you.

You are simply the most marvelous young lady I know.  You are my first baby and I love you with a love that is so fierce.  You are my Peanut and I am so proud of you.


I hope you are having a wonderful first day of school and I hope to hear all about it soon.  Remember to be yourself, do your best, and that I'll always be here.  I love you.

Family Update

I realized my last post was one of stress and worry, but I felt so much better after blogging.  I'm also amazed by the kind comments and the support from my friends and family.  It makes all the dark moments look like little blips on Life's radar and not Huge Catastrophes.

I thought I might bring a little yin to that yang of a post and update you on the family:

 Atticus

In addition to crawling and pulling up, Atticus has really moved from being a "baby" to a "little person."  His personality shines through.  At the moment he is in teething hell and has a bit of a cold, but despite the pain and the boogers he is his usual cheery self.  He loves playing monsters and banging on things and crawling after the cat.  He's learned patty-cake, hide'n'seek, and waving bye-bye.  He adores giving kisses (which is an open-mouth, Predator-esque, drool-fest).

Hope

Hope is growing and changing so quickly.  We're in the midst of body-changing qualms; everything is fitting awkwardly and nothing looks right.  We have a shopping trip planned this Thursday.  She is still obsessed with Selena Gomez, interior design, and fashion.  Hope has had a phenomenal summer: several movies, the Georgia Aquarium, World of Coke, sleep overs, kid museums, blueberry pickings, outings to Athens, roller skating, bowling, swimming, and even a trip with her friend Sara to the nail salon.  She is really blossoming into a young lady and is looking forward to middle school.

Sam

Sam is still drawing like mad.  He did an awesome robot chalkboard for Inman Perk and painted a spectacular owl mural at Atticus' daycare.  His current projects include painting skateboard decks and planning an art show next spring.  You can keep up with his arty endeavors on his blog, Inky Darcy on the Lamb.

Despite our busy lives as parents, employees, and introverted nerds, we've had some amazing times this summer.  Primarily our dates center around nerd movies (Green Lantern -- bleh, Captain America -- yay) and coffee.  We also have a new tradition of going to bed early and watching awful shows on Netflix (like Hoarders).  Typically you'll find me knitting and Sam complaining about idiots; I love that we're already curmudgeonly old people!

Maternal Guilt Accompanied with Various and Sundry Stresses

When Atticus was a little over a month old, we discovered that he has a dairy protein  intolerance.  Keep in mind this is not lactose intolerance; a lactose intolerance concerns milk sugars.  A dairy intolerance simply means that his digestive system cannot not breakdown dairy's complex proteins.  As a result, the dairy proteins built up in his system leading to gas, constipation, and colic.  His little belly was hard and distended and every fart was accompanied with squeals of pain.  So, I gave up dairy and within a week Atticus was a happy little babe once again.

In my research I discovered that this doesn't mean that Atticus will always have problems with dairy.  Most babies outgrow the problem by the time they are 6 - 18 months old.

Beginning back in April -- when Atticus hit 6 months -- I started adding in dairy gradually.  I started with a piece of bread with butter and then I waited several days.  As I slowly reintroduced dairy into my diet I monitored his diapers and gassiness and was on the lookout for colic.  He had no problems.  Finally has of July 1st, I had worked up to 3 servings of dairy a day (3 actual servings, not huge portions).  The weekend of July 16th I decided he was over his dairy issues and went whole hog.

It started at a bridal shower: the appetizers all had bits of cheese, the salad had creamy salad dressing, the pasta had feta, the bread slathered in butter, and ice cream cake for dessert.  And Atticus appeared fine.  Yay!  Dairy!

And the things went awful.  Starting on Tuesday night (07/19) he was grumpy and it was downhill from there.  He woke up screaming in pain, his tummy was tight again, and dear god the gas was AWFUL.  In fact, for a few days we rechristened him Farticus.  As of  last Wednesday I have been totally dairy-free and Atticus is much, much better.

I can't tell you how much I beat myself up over this.  I felt like I rushed the dairy reintroduction and I feel like my desire to have cream in my coffee and a bit of ice cream trumped my baby's health.  Intellectually, I know that the only way I could know if he is over the dairy intolerance is by testing and I know I took things reasonably slow; but my heart hurt to see him so sad and miserable.

I'm planning on extended breastfeeding and child-lead weaning, but I am going to begin introducing soy milk when he is a year old.  No more dairy experimentation for me!

Also, the little man is 9 months old today and STILL ISN"T SLEEPING THROUGH THE NIGHT.  He is eating solids, and has a good schedule and goes to bed fine, but he wakes up 2-5 times a night (mostly to eat).  I'm tired, but I know that one day Atticus will sleep and one day I will know what it is like to have a full night's sleep.

I'm increasingly frustrated with people telling me that I should let Atticus cry it out.  People say that I spoil him by going to him when he cries and they have this smugness that accompanies said comments.  I've even had folks say I should stop nursing on demand.  They say "Atticus cries because he thinks someone is going to come in there every time".  Do they hear what they're saying???!!!   A baby -- with no communication skills other than crying -- cries at night and I should let him lay there alone, in the dark, with no ability to understand that mom and dad are in the other room and its bedtime.  All he knows is that no one is there and he is all alone.  I cannot fathom this cruelty.  I don't think that Atticus is manipulative -- he isn't out to see that I have no sleep.  He simply wants to be cuddled and comforted.  How can it be bad that my child knows that NO MATTER WHAT mom and dad are there  to love him?!  Parenting is 24/7 , not only between the hours of 6am and 8pm.

So all of this mom stress is also compounded by the fact that I'm going out-of-town to a wedding in Memphis.  I only had enough money for one plane ticket so I'm going alone and Atticus is staying home with Dad and Hope.  I'm so paranoid that he will need me and I won't be there and he has never gone this long without breastfeeding.  I'm also going to have to pump every 3 to 4 hours to keep up my milk supply and I haven't quite figured out how I'm going to accomplish pumping amidst all the wedding activities and storing all of the milk.  I'm so so so nervous.

Throw all of this in a big ol' stress soup pot and add-in car repairs and real worry over bills.  I honestly don't know if we will have groceries next week because the rent is due and between car repairs and the plane ticket Sam and I are flat-ass broke.  Oh, and Hope starts middle school on August 8th and she has no clothes that fit.

Oh, and did I mention I have a stomach virus?  Yup.  Yesterday at work I was hit with chills and queasiness.  Needless to say I spent most of the day on the "throne" reading a novel about Queen Elizabeth I (ironically enough).  Today I've managed to keep down toast and 1 cup of plain noodles.  Fingers crossed that no one else gets this....

I'm sorry this is such a whiny post, but I feel better letting it all out.  Things will work out and of course there has been good mixed in with the stress.  I had a nice date with Sam last Saturday, the kids are lovable, and the books I'm reading are fabulous.

Alright, time for some more mint tea!

Babies

I cannot believe that May is over and we are full-swing into June.  For some reason, I feel like both of my babies have grown-up far too quickly in the past month.

Mid-May marked the end of elementary school for Hope and it was such a busy time for our family.  There were tests and parties and forms and meetings.  It didn't really hit me that my baby girl was growing up and entering a new phase in her life:  Middle School.  It didn't really hit until I went by the school office to drop off an updated vaccination record and the school was chaotic.  It was the second to the last day of school and that school was having an "honor walk" for the fifth graders.  Basically all the teachers stood in the hallways and the fifth graders walk through the school with Miley Cyrus music blasting and everyone cheering.  I saw Hope with her little gaggle of friends.  Her blonde hair stylishly swooping over her face, her giggly grin, her sheer happiness.  She looked so.... grown-up.  It hit me that my baby girl is now a young lady and I stood in the school office, looking out the office window, and weeping happy, proud, bittersweet tears.  Later that day I told Hope that she has grown to be such a young lady and she replied "but, mom, I'll always be your baby."  Then she crawled up into my lap and gave me such a great big hug.

She has changed so much... her life is filled with friends, a first crush, nail polish, music, and fashion.  She'll be playing the trumpet in band next year with her best friend Brianna and she has a summer filled with roller skating and swimming.  Even though she seems so grown-up now, she is still my Hope.  She is silly and sarcastic and smart and the sweetest girl ever.  I know she is going to make her mama proud.

Her little brother is also filling-up my days with equally bittersweet moments.  Atticus is seven-months old and has been growing-up WAY TOO FAST!  In the past few weeks he has experienced his first round of antibiotics for an ear infection, mastered crawling, said "Da-da", and he has started pulling up.  He is a chubby, happy, funny little boy.  He is almost always laughing and chattering.  He will most likely be a class clown -- he loves making silly faces and blowing raspberries.  The stage is so delightful and fun, but a part of me still wishes he was a snuggly, newborn.  The photos  are blurry because this little man is always on the go.



Yup.  Both babies are quickly growing; all I can do is squeeze in plenty of hugs and cherish each moment.