Okay, I'm not really going to talk about poop, well, not explicitly. But my bowel rumblings will factor into this update so I would proceed with caution if you have a disdain for bodily functions or you have... manners.
My first weight loss update is here. Here is my progress:
January 6th 296
January 13th 291
January 20th 290
January 27th 289
February 3rd 288
I'm losing a healthy pound a week so far with an overall weight loss of 8lbs in a five week period of time. That's a 1.6lb average! I weigh in this Friday and hopefully I will have lost another pound.
Okay, on to this week's friend and foe.
Warning: A discussion of poo ensues:
When I had my sinus infection in late January I was put on antibiotics. Because I was using Health Services at the university as opposed to going to the doctor, I was only able to get an antibiotic and I couldn't get that lovely little pill that would keep me from getting a yeast infection. I really didn't want a yeast infection, so in addition to eating a shit-ton of yogurt I started taking a probiotic. It is the Walgreens' brand and about $20 for a pack of 60 pills. Not only did I not get a terrible yeast infection, but I also have avoided my terrible stomach issues from eating healthy.
For the past three years -- with the exception of my pregnancy -- I have struggled with eating fruits and vegetables. I adore vegetables, but the stomach repercussions were awful. I joined eDiets last year and was following their diet plans for a dairy-free diet. At the time Atticus still had a dairy problem and I wasn't trying to lose weight as much as I was trying to achieve a balanced diet. The first two days were fine and then the shit hit the fan... nearly literally. My stomach was tight and distended. I had constant gas. I was pooping 5 to 7 times a day MINIMUM. I felt sluggish and disgusting. I kept up with the diet for two weeks thinking that my stomach just needed time to adjust. Nope. I was miserable. And the same thing happened when I was dieting in 2007 and when I made an attempt at being vegetarian in college.
I've been to doctors for the stomach trouble and it would end in tears and frustration:
Doctor: "You are fat. You need to lose weight. Eat fruits, vegetables, and whole grains."
Two weeks later:
Doctor: "Your stomach cannot handle the fruits, vegetables, and whole grains. Eat something greasy and you will feel better."
And I did. Cue Vicious Cycle. A burger and fries and I felt better, but I was just getting fatter. WTF?
Of course, the doctor never did recommend probiotics. He said there may be a prescription, but with me nursing I didn't want random drugs floating in my body. I just happened to start taking probiotics a few weeks into my diet this go around.
I feel great. I had asparagus and mushrooms with lunch and yesterday I had four servings of broccoli with lunch. No horrible poo-issues. By golly I'm regular, but I'm going about twice a day as opposed to 6 times a day and I haven't had to pilfer Atticus's diaper rash cream (oh yeah, it was that bad... my ass hurt).
I'm going to keep up taking the probiotic capsule everyday.
I'm loving MyFitnessPal, but I can feel myself getting intimidated by the "hardcore" folks on there. People who don't eat all their calories and their diaries look sparse and militant. I want to keep my diary public as a form of accountability, but on the other hand I'm afraid of people judging me, that I'm not doing it right, and that maybe I should just throw in the towel. I have to remember that a pound a week is healthy and it is more likely to stay off. I will screw myself up if I under eat.
Because of my fears I find myself wanting to fib on my diary or leave things out all together. Last night I baked cookies and I had ONE cookie. It put me nearly 100 calories over my daily calorie goal. I seriously thought about not recording it so I could get that merry little message at the end of the day: "Amanda completed her diary for 02/07/12 and was under her calorie goal!" But it would have been a false pride and I would be paving the path for a compulsive eater's number one foe. SECRET EATING. Yes, that morbidly obese girl may be eating a salad and drinking a diet coke, but at night -- when no one is looking -- she is binging on bags of chips and candybars. I was that girl. I remember not eating at summer camps as a teenager and then hiding under my sleeping bag at night eating 7 Snicker bars.
I think the psychology behind this -- at least in my case -- was that I was afraid people were watching me. God knows I pay attention to what others eat (a similar habit among compulsive eaters and people with anorexia). If I could just "play along" then people would think that I was an unfortunate victim of genetics and I was simply fat for no reason in particular. I didn't want someone to make the connection that "those three cheeseburgers are making her fat." I didn't want to admit to myself that I was the one making myself fat. I would hide wrappers and trash in trashcans underneath other garbage. I would eat so quickly I sometimes threw-up. I wrapped myself in a McDonald's Big Mac Food Wrapper of Shame.
Being honest with myself about how I eat and what I eat and letting others see me eat is healthy. It keeps things in perspective by taking away all of the shame. When I'm not engaging in disordered eating I eat to get full and I enjoy my food, I don't deprive myself to get a societal pat on the back only to feed my deprivation with too much food. I hate myself after binge eating and I want to avoid it.
So... I will log in my food even if I go over on calories. I will log in everything and not think about it as good or bad. And I need to get over the assumption that everyone is paying attention to the food they see me eat. This week I'm going to be especially conscious of eating slowly, deliberately, and being honest in my food diary. Healthy eating mindset for the win!