Tuesday, January 29, 2013

On Waiting and Letting my Monkey Do it

“Let’s say you want some advice that might help you give birth, wherever that might be. My shortest answer is: let your monkey do it.” So says the world’s most famous midwife, Ina May Gaskin. These words of wisdom which remind women that birth requires that we get our thinking brains out of the way and let our mammalian instincts take over..." (from an interview with Ina May Gaskin

Owls and books, of course

packing bags

all the wee things!
Atticus is quickly moving from a mama's boy to being obsessed with doing everything Daddy does.  (but he'll always be my boy)

Homemade oatmeal cream pies

The oatmeal pies are a hit and Atticus is proud for helping with the baking

a cardboard box is the best bad weather day saver

the ugliest thing I've ever knitted for my handsome husband

He's in a space ship, by the way

reading a cocoa

This week I'm taking a few days of vacation I need to use before maternity leave starts next Monday. I'll be at work on Friday (if Persephone doesn't arrive), but other than that I'm DONE until May.

There's been a fair amount of leisurely puttering around the house these days. The lazy, haphazard nature of my days is actually prescribed by my midwife. My midwife, Jack, was dealing with a panicked me a few weeks ago. I want a VBAC so badly, but each time I have a baby my water breaks and I never, ever, ever have a contraction. My mom was the same way. I'll have Braxton Hicks contractions, but when its showtime my body -- in my mind -- fails me. Jack asked me a few questions about work and hobbies and my personality. Then he sighed and said that I'm too intellectual and planned. My job involves research and organization. I would name list-making as an actually hobby of mine. I want to know why, figure things out, and do it myself.

I'm completely in the wrong side of my brain. Jack said if I'm hung up researching and making my body "work" then I'm taking myself out of a creative, emotional, primal sort of place in my head erm, body. I have to let go and get back to my primal self to give birth.  If I have give birth naturally great. If I have a c-section great. If I accept that my body will do what it will do and go along for the ride then I won't have the disappointment and failure I felt after I had Atticus via c-section.

I can tell you that there is no schedule or planning to my days. Yesterday was my first day home alone and my inclination was to "get things done" and run a ton of errands. (SQUEALING BRAKES SOUND)

Instead I was sleepy so I slept. Then I was hungry so I ate. Then I met up with friend for some knitting. Then I read. That night I did bare minimum on the kitchen and hung out with Hope and Atticus. Hope chatted and Atticus played Legos. Atticus and I had some wonderful cuddle time. Sam gave me a foot rub when he got home.  I slept. Hey, I'll either be caring for a newborn and tandem nursing in a few days/weeks or I'll be recovering from major surgery, caring for a newborn and tandem nursing. I'll take sleep while I can.

The house hasn't been cleaned thoroughly in weeks, there is not a single freezer meal in my freezer, and the house is littered with baskets of clean, unfolded clothes. Whatever.

I may blog and I may not blog. I'm just hanging out, waiting, and very eager to meet this sweet girl. A blog vacation is in order for February, I think; just to soak in new baby love, cuddle my other kids, and slow down for a bit. 


Andi said...

Keep going with the flow, my dear. It will all be GREAT.

Heidi’sbooks said...

I love the pictures. A blog vacation sounds something that would be good for you! Getting sleep when you can is a high priority the first month after a baby is born.

Debi said...

Sounds like you're dealing with these days perfectly. :)

Rebecca H. said...

I hope everything goes well for you! I was induced last Wednesday and have now had a week with my new little one. He's doing great. I'll be thinking about you!

Lindsey said...

It sounds like you are doing things just right. I'm due in May with #2 and it's so tough to balance keeping up with the kiddos you already have, preventing your house from falling apart around you, and feeling like you have time to take care of yourself!
Thanks for sharing your experience with this crazy pregnancy thing. :)