- Say it is 8 p.m. and you decided to boil some eggs for your lunch the next day be advised that it is NOT wise to run upstairs whilst the egg is a-boilin' and tuck the kid in, shave your legs, grab a shower, read a chapter of a book. It isn't wise because after 45 minutes of being boiled the egg will EXPLODE with a loud bang and spray over the counters, floor, and ceiling. And, of course, the pan will be blackened. AND you will piss your pants with fear because you almost burned down your apartment.
- Pedicures are orgasmic.
- I have a super hard-on for Lucifer Morningstar.
- I make some kick-ass Oatmeal Spice cookies.
- My job is basically that of a glorified secretary.
- According to the chiropractor and massage therapist at the university health fair my hip is so out of whack that I should be in constant pain alllll the time.
- My cat (Beauregard Fitzgerald Capote) enjoys playing with condoms that have been blown-up like balloons*
- It is not a good idea to air-hump the bookshelves at the library. Some folks think it is disturbing.
- I am oh so poor.
- Thai food is addictive.
*here I could put a joke about at least one kitty find a use for the rubbers, but that would be crass
4 comments:
LOL, I'm imagining the egg incident. And to tell you the truth I'm astounded I haven't done it myself already.
first of all, you sound rather entertaining.
second of all, excellent choice of books.
Third of all... Roommate wakes up to gunshot sound and a burning smell, as you run down the stairs yelling "Oh, God, I forgot about the eggs." Said roommate almost died on couch.
Andi -- yeah... I can't boil water.
Laine -- if you think I'm entertaining now then you should see me when I get hold of the Vodka.
Nicky -- I think it was more like "goddamn-fucking-shit I forgot the eggs."
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