Wednesday, August 12, 2009


When my alarm blared at 5:15 this morning, I knew I should stay in bed. After all, I had rainy weather predictions, a tin of Lady Grey tea, a cat, and a Barbara Pym novel. Unfortunately, I'm cursed with some ethics and couldn't bring myself to stay home for a "mental health day".

Begrudgingly, I rolled out of bed and got myself and Hope ready for the day. We walked outside to a thick, smothering humidity -- at 6:23 in the morning. The day has continued to go down hill. Shall I count the ways:

  1. Due to some sort of odd and nonsensical wiring in the library and the losing of a "key" to flip on all the lights, the library was half dark all morning. Since I was the first employee to the library I got to handle searching on my hands and knees for said key before I even guzzled my first cup of coffee.

  2. Speaking of coffee, after the fiasco of the light, I went to go drink my coffee and realized mid-way through a gulp that a fly was doing the backstroke in my java.

  3. Then I decided to plunge myself into LibGuides -- fun path-builder stuff. So I'm browsing in the GACE study guide and -- WTF -- Sylvia Plath is absent on the "important American poet lists. Want to know why? They listed her as a British poet.

I know these are very minuscule things and I'm moody beyond what is reasonable. But I feel so bleh. Dissatisfied with my life, adjusting to early mornings, anxiety about Hope nearing puberty, financial worries, and not getting anytime alone with Sam (except in the evening when I all I want is my pillow) .... it all adds up to a general yuckiness. Mild annoyances are just more obnoxious than usual.

To worsen things Sam is switching jobs. Don't get me wrong -- he is doing the right thing and this is an opportunity to have benefits and full time hours. It just stresses me. Now schedules will change drastically. I'm going to have to be flexible and comfortable with change -- these are near foreign concepts to me. I loathe spontaneity -- unless it is spontaneous book shopping -- and change gives me ulcers. Then of course there is the "if-this-job-doesn't-work-we-are-so-fucked" problem.

Hopefully a hefty dose of post-work Pym will lighten my day.


Catherine said...

not to sound like i'm spouting the typical christian bullshite, but we are praying for you guys.

where is sam going to work at?

Miss Lisa said...

So, other than the fact that your daughter is starting her period and mine's just starting kindergarten, I think I could have written your post.

From financial worries to my man changing jobs and not getting any alone time with him...I'm having a hardcore August myself.

I've reached the point where I just want a bottle of wine, a book and my bed, but there ain't no rest for the wicked.

September will be simpler, right?

(And, what the hell is wrong with the GACE guide?? No wonder public schools are such a mess!)

Amanda said...

Catherine -- thank you so much for the prayers. You and Spencer are just awesome! Sam had his first training day at the 24-hour Kangaroo gas station. It is a little bit less money, but more hours and an opportunity to work towards an assistant manager position.

Miss Lisa -- Luckily, Hope hasn't started her period yet. But it is close. She is growing physically in other ways and has become increasingly preoccupied with fashion. I hope that by September we will all be in a routine and things will become smoother.