Tuesday, October 13, 2009

How to Fall-off the Blogging Bandwagon: a guide for beginners

So you're participating in a bloggish challenge and your doing really well: posting everyday, reading other blogs, constantly thinking of new things to write about, even your number of hits are way up. But, progress is boring. Maybe you'd like to walk on the wild side and flub everything up for pure rebellions sake.

Well this is the guide for you!

Step 1: Put off blogging until the evening. After all you may decide to write about your day.
Step 2: Decide to untangle a mass of yarn barf so that you can finish crocheting that hat.
Step 3: Fight with cat over yarn, curse, make tangle worse.
Step 4: Throw yarn across room
Step 5: Eat ice cream
Step 6: Watch Unwrapped on Foodnetwork. Maybe you'll blog about how KitchenAid mixers are made.
Step 7: Tuck kid in bed. Send significant other off to work at his third shift job.
Step 8: Decide you want to try that homemade oatmeal face mask; that will be a great thing to blog about.
Step 9: Stretching out on the couch and listening to the soothing sounds of M.Ward you cautiously smear the oatmeal goo on your face. It feels weird, is gloppy, and is sliding around.
Step 10: Cautiously tuck towel around face and decide to lie very, very still.
Step 11: Fall asleep
Step 12: Wake suddenly to the jarring (albeit awesome) sounds of Animal Collective. Leap off couch and send the towel and the oatmeal flying all over the room.
Step 13: Realize that the oatmeal mask has slopped down your face, onto your shirt, and -- oh yes -- pooled inside your bra.
Step 14: Bathe
Step 15: Clean oatmeal off the floor, couch, and walls.
Step 16: Clean some more.
Step 17: Finally make it to the computer. Its roughly 11:30 at night, but there is still time to blog.
Step 18: Instead start listening to Wolf Parade with headphones on.
Step 19: Play the air keyboard. Then switch to air drums. End the song playing the air recorder.
Step 20: Realize it is 12:30 a.m. and you didn't make your blog goal.
Step 21: Go to Bed!

There you have it, how to fall of the blogging bandwagon. I know it works because I've done it myself.


Catherine said...

i particularly like steps 13,15, 18 and 19. good to know it's a fairly well documented thing, the whole falling off the bandwagon.

Giggly said...

Wow! You must have been super tired to fall asleep with oatmeal on your face. :-)

Grad said...

I am always amazed at the prolific bloggers that I follow. I am happy they do it, because I love to follow along. HOW they do it is a mystery to me. Well...blog on.

Virginia said...

Are you in my apartment? Do you have a secret spy cam here? Should I start getting dressed in the dark? (well, I do that anyway)

I think you just stole my blog post for the evening.

Danielle said...

Hi Amanda, I was looking through the comments on the Slaves of Golconda blog and I couldn't tell if you had ever been sent an invite to post on the blog. I would be happy to send one to you as I know you often read along. Please just drop me an email and I'll get one out to you!

Amanda said...

I'm so pleased to know that all these folks who write blogs I love (i.e. y'all)have the same blogging issues, and perhaps, the same issues with wayward oatmeal masks.

Amanda said...

Danielle! That would be awesome. I'm hunting for your email addy on the profile right now.