Friday, October 14, 2011

K is for Kill me Now.... Seriously I'm tired of the alphabet crap

I was exhausted this morning.  After two blissful weeks of Atticus sleeping through the night we're back to waking every hour.  I've been hopeful that "this too shall pass" and so I've had a pretty good attitude about my lack of sleep, but now that he is nearly a year-old I feel a hopeless desperation.  How long will this last.  a few more weeks?  Months?  Years? 

So this morning I was exhausted.  The house is a wreck.  I'm supposed to be having a yard sale tomorrow and I'm no where near ready.  The bills still need to be paid.  There is just too much to do and I'm so so so so so tired.

Hope watched Atticus this morning so I could take a quick shower and I had a Good Cry.  An expletive-filled, blubbering, snotty, messy cry.  Then I got out, dressed, dried my hair and prepared to be a Decent Mother.  We went by the library and then came home.  Hope played with Atticus so I could lie down for 30 minutes in the living room.  We went for a glorious walk in the autumn sunshine and I took the kids to eat lunch with daddy at the college cafeteria.  Now, Atticus is napping. 

I'm overwhelmed.  Between work, and kids, and domestic duties, and everything else I'm just tired.  Also, Sam has gone back to tattooing in addition to his usual job.  He loves it and he is so happy, but it means that he cannot help me as much.

Now you may be asking yourself, "what the hell is the point of this post?"  I have no idea.  I'm just in a major funk.



Suki said...

Oh my goodness you poor thing! I really feel your pain... and I've been there! I saw your tweet about wanting to go to bed and cry & it sounded so familiar I wondered if it was something like this. I didn't know how to phrase a reply so I'm glad you wrote this post.

Just last night I wrote a long comment on this Polka Dots & Pretties post in case you want to read some of my thoughts about & experiences of the whole, fraught, baby sleep thing (plus Claire's too!)

Hope things get better really soon, take care of yourself! xo

Katie @ Mama the Reader said...

OH, Amanda! Hang in there. I go from being okay with the demands of motherhood to suddenly feeling like it's just too much. Sometimes in the same day even. :( Our moods match this week because I could've written a very similar post as well. Sigh Wish you were just little closer and we could g for knitting and coffee. :(

Susan in TX said...

I well remember the sleepless nights with babies up and asking my dh if babies didn't come with some sort of "return policy" for defective behavior? Now that they are teenagers, I should probably ask him again! lol
Praying you will have a restful weekend!

Amanda said...

@Suki I'll have to check that post/comments out. At least I know I'm not the only mama with sleep deprivation.