I was exhausted this morning. After two blissful weeks of Atticus sleeping through the night we're back to waking every hour. I've been hopeful that "this too shall pass" and so I've had a pretty good attitude about my lack of sleep, but now that he is nearly a year-old I feel a hopeless desperation. How long will this last. a few more weeks? Months? Years?
So this morning I was exhausted. The house is a wreck. I'm supposed to be having a yard sale tomorrow and I'm no where near ready. The bills still need to be paid. There is just too much to do and I'm so so so so so tired.
Hope watched Atticus this morning so I could take a quick shower and I had a Good Cry. An expletive-filled, blubbering, snotty, messy cry. Then I got out, dressed, dried my hair and prepared to be a Decent Mother. We went by the library and then came home. Hope played with Atticus so I could lie down for 30 minutes in the living room. We went for a glorious walk in the autumn sunshine and I took the kids to eat lunch with daddy at the college cafeteria. Now, Atticus is napping.
I'm overwhelmed. Between work, and kids, and domestic duties, and everything else I'm just tired. Also, Sam has gone back to tattooing in addition to his usual job. He loves it and he is so happy, but it means that he cannot help me as much.
Now you may be asking yourself, "what the hell is the point of this post?" I have no idea. I'm just in a major funk.