Things I've Learned in the Recent Past -- Volume 2

1. Sometimes, chex mix transforms itself into a spiritual portal into heaven. Open a bag and beams of light and the heraldic voice of angels stream from the bag. Seriously. Try it at 2 a.m. one night and you will be transformed.
2. The best way to celebrate Zombie Jesus Day (a.k.a Easter) is on the couch, in slouchy p.j.s, drinking beer, eating jelly beans, and watching all three extended release movies in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
3. Drumming is addictive. Take one 15 minute lesson in an altered state and you're hooked.
4. Lesbians don't knit.
5. To make your own pasties all you need is cardstock, scissors, craft glue, toupee tape, stickers, tassels, and your imagination.
6. The true test of one's sanity is standing in line at Starbucks waiting to order the green tea frappucino you've been lusting after and a bimbo in front of you is asking the barista to explain allllll the different kinds of tea and alllll the things you can make with said tea and then orders a tall coffee.
7. Completely retarded-douchebag-guys with hard-ons flock to smart-single-moms-who-work-at-a-library like maggots on rotted meat.
8. Completely smart-supernice-guys are unfortunately sans hard-on for smart-single-moms-who-work-at-a-library.
9. Alas, emos don't cut deep enough.
10. When one has nipple piercings it is important to make sure not to open a car door in a small space quickly. Sometimes the car door can catch and pull.