After a long day of working I came home to relax. By relax I mean cook dinner, do the dishes, clean the litter box, supervise homework, put away laundry, explain the necessity of washing with soap to a 9-year-old, and getting a very angry and soap-smelling little girl tucked in for the night.
Whew. Now to do something relaxing...
I know, I'll try one of those earth-mama home facials, you know, the ones that can be assembled with ingredients found in the kitchen. I love all those lovely products: creams and astringents and those nasty pore pads that rip the junk out of the pores. However, these products are a bit pricey so I haven't used anything but generic face wash for the past year.
Awesome... I'm excited. Time to pamper.
I boil some water and place it in a large pan. Then I drape a towel and my head over the steamy water and feel my pores opening. Now to put the face goop on -- the goop I've chosen is egg whites and a bit of water.
That's right, I'm smearing egg on my face. I read somewhere that it exfoliates and tightens pores. So I'm standing in the kitchen all red-faced from the steam and trying to figure out how to get it on my face. Finger? Paper towel? Basting brush? I decide to go with the paper towel.
Dab ... Dab... Dab... Dab....
Meanwhile, I'm think that I sure am glad Hope is in bed. Otherwise I'd have her forever smearing her breakfast on her face or thinking that mommy has totally lost her mind and gone into a terrible psychosis.
Now I've got egg goop on my face. I stretch out on the couch to wait for the recommended ten minutes. While I wait my thoughts run something like this:
- I wonder if I can get salmonella from my pores absorbing raw egg?
- I suppose this is how bagels feel.
- I don't want to be a bagel.
- I'd rather be a frittata
- Yeah... I'm a frittata! Filled with ham and cheese and eggy goodness.
- Geez, I'm hungry.
- Actually, frittatas are warm. This egg is cold and nasty.
- Cold and wet...
- Cold and wet like a bad sneeze on a very rainy day when you haven't got a tissue.
By that time I figured ten minutes had passed. I rinsed my face and then washed my face again because I still felt "eggy."
My face did feel silky and fresh, but it was by no means relaxing and made a huge mess. Would I do it again? Probably not.
Next I will try the other breakfast mask of oatmeal and honey. I'll just start smearing random breakfast foods on my face. Wait until you see me go crazy with a jelly doughnut on my face!