Charles Dickens Month -- Post the Fourth

I've been reading Charles Dickens's last completed novel, Our Mutual Friend, all month.  While I was sniffling on the couch this past weekend I flew through the last 400 pages.  I literally could not put the book down.  I've tried to figure out how best to review a novel of over 800 pages with well over a dozen memorable and significant to the plot characters.  And then there is the spoiler factor.  There is no way for me to discuss this book in any capacity (i.e. over a sentence) without discussing some crucial plot element that would ruin the joy of your reading experience.  In other words, I don't want to pop your Our Mutual Friend cherry; it would be both awkward and regrettable.  We'll leave that to Charles.  Seriously.  Go read the book. 

I will tell you that this is my THIRD favorite Dickens novel.  I haven't read all of them yet, but thus far here are my favorites:  1)Bleak House, 2)Little Dorrit, 3)Our Mutual Friend, 4)Great Expectations 5)A Tale of Two Cities.  I've read all of these novels in the past seven years.  I have read David Copperfield and Oliver Twist, but that was in high school and I can't remember being overly fond of them.   I've also read The Mystery of Edwin Drood but I don't know how to rate it.  I love the book's writing and plot, but I'm so damned angry it wasn't finished and I don't know WHAT HAPPENED.  I love it and reread it and then hate myself for going back to it and getting frustrated all over again.  I get pissy thinking about it.  We'll just call that book my Heathcliff. 

Anyways, back to the point at hand.  Our Mutual Friend was fabulous, the plot engaging, the characters excellent..... and it is my THIRD favorite Dickens novel.  I'll tell you one last thing and then we'll throw a big ole' spoiler warning up.  This book is about money.

Okay.....

BIG ASS SPOILER WARNING:  I'm serious.  I'm not even going to give a plot synopsis because if you haven't read this novel then you shouldn't be reading this here blog post!

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I've made it clear that I adore this book.  HOWEVER there are two things that bothered me that I can really only discuss with those who have read the book:

1.  Dickens wrote a stunning novel about greed, money, and corruption and then dropped the ball at the end.
2. I want to slap Bella Wilfer (aka Bella Rokesmith, aka Bella Harmon)

  As I read this book about money:  people going into debt, living beyond one's means, creditors being called in and lives ruined, new found money corrupting good people, covetousness (whether that be for money or a attractive young woman), I couldn't help but draw parallels to our current economic crisis.  Foreclosures, credit card debt, jobless rates... It seemed that Dickens was expressing that when one is obsessed with money (or the lack thereof) and when one tries to appear to be more than what one is then one cannot fully live a happy and complete life.  Translation:  wanting $ + having 0$ + trying to seem like you have $ = RUINATION!  We even have a 1%-er, Mr. Podsnap expounds on the embarrassment of the poor and basically says that they most likely want to be poor since they are poor.  Let's look at a few examples, from about 3/4 into the novel of people experiencing the realities of money:

• Noddy Boffin:  This poor hard-working man is now wealthy! Oh, wait... now he has become evil and miserly.  OMG he so freaking mean.  What a monster!
• Lizzie Hexam and Eugene Wrayburn:  Lizzie was raised on the waterfront as her dad pocketed gold from the dead bodies in the river and Eugene is a gentleman (a poor gentleman, but a gentleman).  Eugene knows he can never marry Lizzie and he doesn't even really consider it, he just admires her tenacity and pities her pathetic life.
• Bella Wilfer: the protege of the Boffins, Bella is obsessed with money and is determined to marry her way to a better station in life.

By the end of the book, however, we learn that:

• SURPRISE!  Noddy wasn't mean at all.  It was all an act!  He is really a selfless, kind, wonderful creature.  Good old Noddy!
• OMG!  How sweet, y'all.  Eugene married Lizzie because he is about to DIE.  He will be dead dead dead so now he finally realizes that he loves her and marries her while everyone in the room weeps.  The difference in station doesn't matter because he will be dead.  Gasp... but wait, he doesn't die!  Hooray!  And his stuffy, wealthy Papa doesn't care either.  Hooray (throw confetti).
• Bella is in love with the poor secretary and gives up everything to be with him because she is in LOVE and no longer wants money even though that is all she has ever thought about it.  All it took was one belittling of the secretary by Noddy Boffin to confirm that she was in love and didn't care about the cash.  

*sigh*

 In Bleak House there is true suffering.  Oh, folks suffer for a bit in Our Mutual Friend and several people meet sad, yet expected, ends, but at the end of OMF the good are all rewarded and the bad are all punished.  Everything is made right.  In Bleak House many characters suffer and things may be settled, but there is still hurt and sadness.  For example, Esther marries her true love, but her face is scarred and she grieves for the mother she only knew briefly.  Amy Dorrit's story in Little Dorrit ends happily, but that is really only the story of one couple experiencing that joyous happiness where everything turns out okay in the end, nearly everyone else is dead or supremely screwed-over.  In OMF, so many people had tidy little happy endings and it seemed to ring a bit false.

On to Bella Wilfer/Rokesmith/Harmon.  SLAP HER PLEASE.  In the beginning of the novel, Bella is a headstrong, lazy, quick-tempered, spoiled, money-loving twit, but she is pretty and has dimples (of course).  She is whisked off to live spoiled and pampered by the Boffins.  Bella falls in love with John Rokesmith/Harmon and gives up everything to live with him.  She has been deceived by the Boffins and John.  The entire time she thought Noddy Boffin was a jerk and John was poor when in fact, John was refusing to claim the money and having the Boffins' assistance in testing Bella's love.  Bella marries John and she's cool.  She has a baby and everything is cool.  She realizes that John always avoids Lawyer Lightwood and she's cool.  She finds out that John is a suspected murderer and she's still cool.  Suddenly, one day, John tells Bella that he isn't at his current job and they are wealthy and moving immediately.  They show up at the Boffins.  And then....everyone keeps laughing.

Noddy, Mrs. Boffin, and John: "hohohoho... harty har har... you thought you were poor... you thought that you married John Rokesmith and that John Harmon is dead... hahahahahhaha... we all lied to you... hahahahaha... because we wanted to test your love and emotions.... hahahahahaha..."

And the proud, headstrong, quick-tempered, sharp-tongued Bella just smiles and laughs and thinks life is grand.  I would have been PISSED.  To be played for at least two years because my husband wanted to see if I really was devoted.  I just wished she has shown a wee little bit of anger or incredulity or something.  But no, she was a perfect Angel.  All motherly sighs, and shiny eyes, and radiating happiness. 

Reading back through all of this it sounds like I didn't like the book.  I did.  I was happy for Lizzie and Eugene.  I loved the character of Jenny Wren.  The writing was beautiful and descriptive.  I felt tension and suspense when I should.  I laughed at the funny and mocking parts.  It was a marvelous reading experience and this is a novel I will most certainly re-read.  I think it was really the last 30 - 40 pages (of an over 800 page book) where I was slightly incredulous as to the tidy ending.  

END OF SUPER-SPOILER PART!!!!!!!!!

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Now for a bit of housekeeping.  I'm saving my Charles Dickens library display pictures for next week as I've babbled too much already.  Also, I've decided what the winner of the drawing will win, but I'm not announcing that until next week.  Remember, next Tuesday is the big 200 for Charles Dickens and the final wrap-up for this Dickens-infused month; make sure all comments are left by 11:59pm on 02/07/2012 to be eligible for the drawing!

Happy Reading!

Snot Induced Idleness Leads to Super Creativity Powers (sorta)

I've been home ill with a sinus infection since Wednesday.  I finally went to the doctor on Thursday and I didn't go into work Friday and I'm out today.  You should know that I am the worst sick patient ever.  I love being busy; I hate seeing the house a mess and lying in a heap of blankets for days and staring at the ceiling or television is a literal hell.  During my snot-induced loafing I thought about why I hate being leisurely while ill.  It comes down to two things:  

1. I am going to die:  As in, Life is only here for a bit and we are quickly hurdling towards demise.  Therefore I should spend my time doing worthwhile things in order to eek the most I can out of my wee slice of time on Earth.  Of course, "doing worthwhile things" translates into making lists, buying books, and knitting most of the time.  I'm an Existentialist with embroidery patterns and cookie recipes. 
2. I have Mom Guilt:  When Sam -- who is hardly ever ill -- is sick or the kiddos aren't feeling well I send them all to bed, make pots of tea and stockpots of homemade soup, and dispense as many cuddles as tolerated.  When I am sick, I feel like I'm slacking on my "mom-duties".  I don't want to clean, or go to the grocery store, or -- the most guilt-inducing of all -- play with the kids.  Then when Sam is at work and the kiddos are at school (like right now) I feel like I should "do" something.  Laundry? Re-organizing the freezer?  Dusting?  On Friday, I decided to heave myself out of bed and tidy the house.  I spent 20 minutes loading the dishwasher, folding clothes, and making beds.  Then I had a huge coughing fit, felt utterly drained, and slept for another hour.  In other words, it is okay for Sam and this kiddos to be ill and rest, but I feel like the ultimate slacker-mom when I am ill and rest.  

My Not-So-Inner Feminist and my Inner-Reasonable-Person (she is buried deep) surfaced on Friday after I overdid it and decided to Take It Easy.  I finished the last 400 pages of Our Mutual Friend.  I did a little bit of embroidery.  I watched Downton Abbey.  I napped extensively.  I let Sam handle dinner, and Atticus's bath, and playing with the kids.  In fact, Sam took Atticus to the doctor (he has a little ear infection, but we caught it early on) morning and I stayed home and played Bejeweled on my phone.  

By Saturday night I was going insane.  I had to do something.  So I knifed and buried my Inner-Reasonable-Person and decided to organize my Craft Lair.  You can see the awfulness of my Craft Lair here.  Atticus helped.  He had great fun putting skeins of yarn in a laundry basket and then dragging them out again.  I diagnosed the problem with my craft lair.  I didn't have places to put things.  Well, I have places, but none of them good when there is a curious toddler afoot.  I let Atticus get into things as long as they aren't dangerous or impossibly messy to clean.  Therefore yarn and embroidery hoops are forever scattered around the house.  I needed a place out of the grasp of Atticus the Future Fiber Artist.... hummmmm......

Bingo....

Diaper boxes on top of the Craft Lair dresser!

Well, that worked, but was completely unattractive.  Then Creativity slapped me silly and I had an idea.

1 Diaper box + rolls of faux wood-paneling (rescued from the library trash) + thrifted pillowcases =  ATTRACTIVE YARN STORAGE.

I whipped these up in the space of 10 minutes and had all my yarn tidied away neatly.  I spent the rest of the evening working for 10 minutes and then resting for 50 minutes.  I got it done and when Sam came home from the tattoo shop sometime after-midnight the Craft Lair was a-sparkling.

Ohhhh.... ahhhhh....

They aren't perfect, but they look a heck of a lot better than undecorated diaper boxes.

Organization for the win!

A place for everything!

Accomplishing this really raised my spirits and it really didn't take too long or too much effort once I had a place for all my supplies.  Huzzah!

Photo Friday: the Snot Monster Edition

Blargh.  I'm sick for the second time this year.  This time with a miserable sinus infection.  I'm doing nothing but sipping tea and blowing my nose.  I am going to attempt some reading as well. 

Downton Abbey Will Make Me Fat*

I've decided to try and post about healthy things (i.e. weight, recipes, tips, troubles, etc....) regularly.  I'm hoping it will help keep me motivated.  I'm going to really embarrass myself and also keep track of my weight here.  I really hate flashing my weight, but I'm hoping it will help.  I keep telling myself that at least I'm not 356 pounds still.  I was 356 and then lost to 248.  Since 2008 I have gained 48 pounds.  That is really scary to me.

January 6th                                296
January 13th                              291

January 20th          290!

I know it isn't a huge loss, but I'm so happy I lost a pound last week.  And here is why...

~WARNING!!!!!  WOMANLY THINGS DISCUSSED BELOW!  PROCEED WITH CAUTION!~

...I started my period that morning.  Any woman will tell you that weighing oneself when "on the rag" and especially on day one can be traumatic.  I was already bloated and feeling gross. I entertained the notion of not weighing in.  I was sure that the 5lb loss from last week was a complete fluke and that I'd gained 20lbs. I made myself weigh-in and I was pleasantly surprised.

Okay, on to the rest of the update.  Each time I blog about my attempt at a healthier life I am going to try to identify one friend and one foe.  Something that I have succeeded at or is a useful tool and then something that I'm struggling with and then try to find a solution.

Friend:  My Fitness Pal app.
I have this neat-o app. on my phone that I use to keep my food diary and count calories and nutritional information.  It is called MyFitnessPal and it is a free app.  I have an Android, but it also is available for iPhone users. 

Basically I just entered in all of my information and the program calculated my BMR (Basal Metabolic Rate).  Essentially this is how many calories I burn daily doing nothing.  At the size I am now, my current BMR is 2,047.  Taking that information, along with how much I'd like to lose per week, MyFitnessPal calculates how many daily calories I need to lose weight.  Right now my daily target is 1,590 calories.

When I eat something I add it to the meal list either by searching for the food, blipping the barcode with my Android, or adding in the calories.  I just add in the calories when I make a recipe that has the caloric intake already figured.  Online, you can add in a recipe, put the number of servings, and MyFitnessPal calculates the calories per serving.

You can also add exercises from their exercise database (areas for cardio and strength training) and EARN your calories back (if you want).  I also use it to track water consumption.

With the app I get a full nutritional profile.  I can see if I'm consuming too little protein and too many carbs.  I can see which vitamins I'm deficient in and I can print progress reports.

The coolest bit is at the end of the day.  When I get in bed and I'm all done eating for the day I simply click that I'm done and the app. calculates -- based on that days consumption and exercise -- how much I would weigh in 5 weeks if everyday was like today.  AWESOME MOTIVATOR!  Last night I was a little -- 48 calories -- over and I was super bummed.  But when I finished closing out the day the app said that "if every day was like today you'd weigh 281.1 lbs in 5 weeks).  OMG.  Seriously!  That's awesome! 

Foe:  Fatigue
When I was in college I really started to pack on weight.  I think I gained about 40 pounds during my final year and a half of school. About 75% of this weight was from eating when I was tired.  I was a full-time honors student taking a maximum amount of hours, working three part-time jobs which totaled about 34 hours a week of work, and I was a single mother with a toddler.  Add to that my insanity in adding extracurricular activities; I was involved in several clubs and I was editor of our literary magazine.  What the hell was I thinking?  It ended up that the bulk of my homework and research occurred between 8pm (when Hope went to bed) and 3am.  And of course, I was back up at 6am for the day to begin again.

Coffee could only do so much.  I found that after 8pm I was eating to stay awake.  Entire boxes of Wheat Thins.  Popcorn.  Animal Crackers.  Ice Cream.  During the day I carried what I thought was a healthy snack (yogurt-covered raisins) and I would eat virtually the entire day.  I felt so hungry all the time.  What I was really feeling was fatigue.  I was exhausted, but I had to keep going.

I find I reach for food when I am tired more than anything else.  I also shovel it in.  There is no enjoying that doughnut, I'm cramming it down my throat as quickly as possible.  Even though I don't have the hellish schedule I did in college, my life feels very full:  work, parenting, housework, cooking, laundry, blogging, reading, friends, my 500 million hobbies...... My inclination is to stay up until 1am getting things done or doing something enjoyable and then wake back up at 5am.

Last night I started my fight with fatigue. I've decided by 9:30 I need to have my teeth brushed and be in the bed.  I can read for an hour, but I'm not to get out of bed unless it is to use the "facilities. ' This means I have had to give up or postpone some things.... like Downton Abbey.

I don't have TV, but I usually watch Downton Abbey online on Monday or Tuesday nights.  By the time the kids are in bed that puts me watching the hour-long program at 9pm.  And I like to eat while I watch.  AND, being the dork that I am, I find that I'm excited afterwards thinking about what will happen next and then I want to stay up and re-re-re-read Brideshead Revisited until 1am.  Of course, I'm sleepy and Atticus wakes at 5am, so I find myself reaching for carb-y snacks.  No more.  I'm waiting until the weekend or a night when Sam is home to help with the kiddos and THEN I will watch Downton Abbey.

My other key sleepy time is after work when I'm cooking dinner.  I'm normally cooking around 4:30 because we eat at 5:30 so Sam can go to the tattoo shop fairly early in the evening.  I've accepted the fact that I'm starving by 4 and I must eat something.  I usually go for a walk after work and then I come home and have a reasonable, protein-filled snack:  a fiber one bar with a cheese stick or a boiled egg on a small salad or some yogurt with fruit.  When I know what I'm going to eat I'm less liking to do that desperate grabbing for whatever carb/sugar I can shovel in. 

Alright, goals for next week:  keep logging in my food and watch-out for fatigue.  Fingers crossed that I'll see some results on Friday!


(*Hyperbolic, attention-grabbing title, CHECK)

Charles Dickens Month -- The Rare Book Edition

A thousand -- as Uriah Heep would say -- humble apologies; I know I'm woefully late with this week's Charles Dickens post and I could have titled it "The Better Late Than Never Post." 

I'd like to share a bit of the Charles Dickens display I put together at my library with the help of our special collections curator/librarian and some ever-trusty work-study students. This week I'll highlight two treasures from our Rare Book Gallery and next week I'll work in a few pictures of the general display. 

Gasp!  What's that!  The conclusion to The Mystery of Edwin Drood!  Can it be???  Did Dickens leave another manuscript?????

Alas, this is not Charles Dickens's work.  Once attributed to Wilkie Collins, this hoax novel was written by Henry Morford.

According to the special collection curator, this book, and the companion Edwin Drood, had a Sotheby slip in stating that the set was "exceedingly rare." 

OMG.  Look at the fancy edging!

Another fascinating find!  The library I work at has the entire serialized set of Our Mutual Friend. 

The serialized novel is resplendent with Victorian advertising. 

I was squealing -- quietly -- when I was able to help select and arrange these precious items.  I can't wait to explore our Rare Book Collection much more thoroughly in the future. 

Making Me Crazy: a Plea to Crafters, Bakers, Stitchers, and Yarn Wranglers

Yes, the cat bed is on top of the craft table.

My beautiful craft area has become a veritable nightmare and the place where we put everything we don't want Atticus to chew on.  I am overwhelmed by the mess and all the projects.  I don't know where to start (or maybe it is when to stop!).  I have quit Pintrest temporarily because I am collecting more ideas and then doing nothing with them. 

My goal this week is to organize this wreck.  Then I am going to figure out February projects.  I think I need to limit myself to one project in each area a month.  I feel like a list may be in order. 

My question to all the creative types out there: how the hellfire do you organize /manage your projects?  Is this some sort of odd OCD?  Please help! 

Are you there Blog? It's Me, Amanda

I've tried to make a concerted effort this year to be "real" on this blog.  Not that I was fake before, but I did worry -- like I do in real life -- that people wouldn't like me, or they would be bored, or I would just come off as a weirdo.  While I'll still try to maintain a sense of decorum -- i.e. I've been quite good about not bitching too much or too specifically about work -- I've written about things I wouldn't have written about in the past.

You wouldn't think it would be a big deal, but I was nervous about posting my collection development policy.  Why I was nervous is any one's guess (maybe it wasn't thought out enough, or had silly gaps, or was just a brazen display of unabashed ocd nerdiness), but I had so many comments from other bookish folks about their collections and bookish plans.  It made me so glad. I was piss-my-pants terrified of writing about my issues with binge eating but the response to my binge-eating post had me in happy, warm-fuzzy land.  Knowing that others - fat or thin -- struggle with the same food issues has given me so much courage to Keep Calm and Carry On.  It is the camaraderie of blogging that I love. 

This got me thinking about when and why I started blogging.  It was fall of 2004.  I had graduated from college the year prior and all of my friends moved away after graduation.  Off they went, back to other home cities and states or off to graduate programs and I was left in my little Georgia town.  I was flat broke -- no car, very little money, and extremely isolated.  I didn't know a single soul in G-ville, Georgia who loved reading like I loved reading.  No one wanted to talk Jeanette Winterson essays.  Or Mists of Avalon.  Or Angela Carter short stories.  Added to that I was a single mother and at the time I was dating an absolute moron.  Total isolation.  I went to the local coffee shop with large books in hand, but I just read.  I didn't interact with a soul.  A socially-awkward introvert, I didn't know how to walk up to someone and jump in a conversation... especially with when I tried to open conversations with "have you read A.S. Byatt?"

At this point in time my library where I worked was... for lack of a better word... a joke.  We had no director and just before my arrival several people had quit or "left" and things were a mess.  I was a copy cataloger and, alas, the system was nearly always down leaving me sitting at a desk and playing minesweeper for hours on end.

To combat extreme loneliness and boredom I decided to become a bit more active on some Yahoo book groups.  There I met this lady and this lady.  I don't remember which one of them started blogging first, but once the idea popped into my head, inspired by Andi and Heather, and once I realized "slap my ass and call me Sally there are other book nerds out there!" I was hooked.  I've blogged ever since with one hiatus of four months when I deleted my first blog (The Blog Jar) and decided to take out the trash (moronic boyfriend).

Blogging has led me to make new friendships, discover new things, and I've truly grown as a person -- and no I'm not just talking about my waistline.  I feel accepted and it is quite lovely to know that I can type out my frustrations and happy things and someone out there in the blog-o-sphere understands.

I hadn't intended on writing all of this, but I decided I might as well.  I just wanted to thank everyone who leaves comments and the lurkers.  And thanks for writing such great material out there for me to read.  The great thing about blogging is that it isn't one-sided!

Okay, now it is time to hope off of my Oscar-speech box and head to bed.  Atticus has pinkeye so I'll be home from work tomorrow and chasing a rambunctious little one through the house from 5am on.  G'night!

Photo Friday: The Yogurt Monster!

The Difference between Cookie and Cookies

So I haven't blogged about this yet, but I'm on a weight loss mission.  I signed up for a weight-loss challenge last year, but that was kinda silly because I was nursing Atticus like crazy and it is never a good idea to diet whilst nursing full-time.  I'm hesitant to blog about weight loss because I actually have a lot to say on the topic and it is a bit overwhelming.  Way at the bottom of my blog is a weight loss ticker and that's pretty much all I've done publicly. 

I have a lot to say.  About why I'm fat.  The weight I have loss.  The weight I gained back.  Eating Disorders.  How weight has impacted my love life, my parenting, and other areas of my life.  Until I get up the gumption to write it all down, I thought I'd start with baby steps.

I'm going to write about cookie.  That isn't a typo.  I meant cookie.  One of the reasons I'm fat is because of cookies.  Cakes.  Breads.  Slices of pizza.  Not a cookie, cake, bread, or a slice of pizza.  I'm fat because I ate too much really good food.

Here's something you may or may not know about me.  In 2003, while battling depression and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from sexual violence, I was hospitalized in a mental health facility.  Given my intense fear of men and frequent flashbacks I was placed in a wing of the hospital for women.  That area of the hospital happened to specialized in eating disorders.  So there I was, at that time over 350 pounds, sitting around with 60 pound women; some of the women were in wheelchairs, some about to be whisked to the hospital for feeding tubes, a couple with kidney failure, and more than a few with esophageal erosion and other health problems.

What I learned from these women suffering from anorexia and bulimia was that we were the same in so many ways.  They all thought they looked like me.  They had some of the same issues -- secrecy eating, low self-esteem, cutting and other modes of self-harm.  And yes, all the food issues.  As one of girl remarked to me, "Amanda, you're just like me, you're just all binge and no purge." 

Tuesday's was Challenge Day.  We were all ushered into a private dining area.  The same dining area where we recorded what we ate and how we felt at each meal.  A tiny, wee slice of cake was placed in front of each of use.  The anorexic girls who didn't want to eat and the bulimic girls who wanted to eat tons only to throw it back up had to take one bite.  ONE BITE.  I can recall several of the girls weeping.  This awful piece of cake would kill them.  That one bite would make them fat, disgusting, ugly, ill.....

My challenge was to take one bite. ONE BITE.  Slowly.  Not wolfing it down.  But I wanted all of the slice.  And everyone else could give me the unwanted slices.  Cake was good.  Cake made me feel happy, calm, loved, satisfied, fulfilled.  I needed cake.  So. much. cake.  I took one bite and the cake was carried away.  I cried.  I cried because I realized those many many many bites of cake would make me fat, disgusting, ugly, ill.....

I had the same problem as many of the other women at the facility.  I had disordered eating.  Not a single one of us could easily have cake as a reasonable part of our lives; an occasional treat in a realistic portion size.

Part of my disordered eating is that I identity my eating as being "good" and "bad".  When I'm good I'm very very good.  I eat rabbit food and exercise and think about calories constantly.  When I'm bad I'll eat a sack of cheeseburgers and a half-gallon of ice cream.  Both types of thinking are extreme and certainly not normal.

That being said, I've realized that I've slipped back into celebrating with a dozen cookies, rather than enjoying one cookie.  I'll bake a batch and have one out of the oven, one with lunch, one for snack, one after dinner, one before bed..... Back in December I even promised myself a cookie every time the baby woke up in the middle of the night (I had three cookies between 10pm and 6am that night). 

My goal is to lose weight, but my ultimate goal is to relearn my healthy eating habits.  Eat when hungry. Quit when full. Healthful exercise.  Reasonable portions. 

Tuesday night I baked a batch of cookies.  I wanted something chocolaty. I much rather indulge in a homemade something rather than a store bought something.  I baked Martha Stewart's Surprise Cookies.  I omitted the frosting.  I made sure I did an hour of exercise that day instead of 30 minutes.  The cookies came out of the oven. 

I had one cookie.  Slowly.  With a small glass of fat-free milk.  I was full and perfectly satisfied.  I enjoyed that one cookie so much more knowing that I was eating reasonably.

Hooray, for cookie!

SOPA and PIPA HURTS LIBRARIES!

Today marks the day that the Internet goes black to protest SOPA(H.R.3261) and PIPA (S.968).  I had considered blacking out my blog in support, but to be honest I am not that tech-savvy and I feared loosing my blog altogether.

I'm hesitant to write about these "anti-piracy" bills, because I'm afraid my arguments and explanations will be unable to properly express how Fahrenheit-451-like these bills are and how the implications of these bills -- as they are written -- could ultimately censor our rights to free speech.

Okay so instead of writing eloquent tirades against SOPA and PIPA I'm just going to spill out the stupidity of these legislative bits of ignorance by writing my impressions. (i.e. this is an opinion piece, don't cite this in your papers, LOL). 

First of all, you must know that I am a hardcore copyright follower and I think every librarian and library assistant should be invested in protecting copyright.  At my job I AM the interlibrary loan department.  Interlibrary Loan is basically resource-sharing among libraries.  If a patron at my University needs a book on Sylvia Plath and Cold War Politics then I may request to borrow that book from another library and, in a reciprocating fashion, if another University needs to borrow an article from a journal we carry then we will lend them the journal article.  All of these transactions occur under very strict and meticulously written guidelines.  We have a limit on the number of articles we can request per year per journal, there are embargoes, and licensing agreements... Everything is stamped and emails are sent with copyright guidelines/warnings.  The collection development librarian keeps an eye on my statistics and orders materials in areas that have heavy requests to keep our collection current with student needs.  I am acutely aware, everyday, of my need to be a good steward of our libraries resources and of the intellectual property and copyright rights of the creators, scholars, and researchers who write these books and articles. 

This attention to copyright extends to other areas at my library:  course reserves are truly only for supplementary reading and no required texts are put on reserve.  The librarians teach students (in classes, online, and in library interactions) the importance of evaluating, using, and properly citing resources.  We abhor plagiarism in all forms.  Copyright signs are mounted near the computers and copy machines.  We educate faculty.  Our online databases and subscriptions are under strict licensing agreements and have protections in place to prevent use by non-University members.  In short, libraries like mine seek to ensure that copyright and fair use guidelines are followed and we are most certainly anti-piracy. 

So what's the big deal?  These bills are anti-piracy and libraries are anti-piracy, but I think piracy means something vastly different in these proposed bills.

See libraries follow a set of core beliefs called The Library Bill of Rights.  I'd like to focus specifically on the third part, "Libraries should challenge censorship in the fulfillment of their responsibility to provide information and enlightenment."  ...the fulfillment of their responsibility to provide information and enlightenment.  See that's the catcher.  Information, knowledge, enlightenment... are things that should be available to everyone no matter age, income, race, gender, location, etc..... The library provides a place for people to gain knowledge.  Whether it is an article for that sophomore level English paper, a novel for a grandmother, well-researched information on Autism for the concerned mother, an aria for the budding opera singer, or an online book on accounting principles for the distance education students these items are for private study, scholarship, and research.  They are to assist individuals into becoming better, wiser, more knowledgeable individuals.

Piracy denotes robbery, unauthorized use, and/or reproducing copyrighted material.  Not reading, citing, and engaging in the material.  Piracy means that the "pirate" wants something for nothing.  To obtain a commodity without purchasing (hey libraries, public and private, purchase or subscribe to their items!) or sell/make a profit from another person's work, or they want to pass something off as their own that they didn't create.  And this is why we have copyright and Fair Use.  To make sure that libraries and library users are using these materials for education and enlightenment and not to make a dollar or prevent others from making a profit.

The scary thing is that SOPA and PIPA have taken things like infringement, the definition of wilfulness, and the commercial purposes  and apply it in broad general terms that lump everyone together.  The online distance student using an article obtained via Interlibrary Loan for a research paper?  The same as someone who illegally distributes copies of  the Twilight movie on Ebay.  And the researchers, actors, writers, painters, etc... won't be making more money or have a firmer grasp on their respective intellectual property because of SOPA and PIPA.  Rather, the large corporations -- the people/machines with the financial means to engage in rampant litigation -- will effectively shutout and shutdown libraries, obliterate opposition on the web, and otherwise use this law in ways it is not intended to be used.  The language is broad, sweeping, and can be manipulated for other purposes.  Purposes such as shutting down whistleblowers, dictating opinions, and -- yes -- whatever -ism or government in office (left-wing, right-wing, religious or not) can take this vague punitive bit of legislation and shut you up.  Most certainly un-American.

If you'd like to read more about SOPA, PIPA and the potential impact of your ability and right to information, knowledge, and enlightenment you can check out the letter from The Library Copyright Alliance, American Library Association, Association of Research Libraries, the Association of College and Research Libraries here. 

To tell congress to "End Piracy, Not Liberty" visit here.

Charles Dickens Month -- A Slapdash post

I've been ill all weekend, some sort of upper-respiratory funk, and I'm ashamed to say that this will be a post not very rich in content.  I did want to put up SOMETHING so that all you folks who are on the ball will have a place to post links.  By the way, I hope to visit more of your posts this week.

I have had much adventuring with Charles this week:

• I'm deeper into Our Mutual Friend and it is getting so good!  
• I finished watching David Copperfield with Hope.  She liked it and has asked if we can watch Our Mutual Friend.  Funnily enough, she calls it Our Material Friend which could be applied to several of the characters in the book.
• I've been working on a Charles Dickens display at the library.  One display case is all about the novels.  The other display case is filled with items from our Rare Books Gallery.  As soon as it is done I promise to share pictures!
• Sam gave me the best anniversary gift, Charles Dickens: A Life by Claire Tomalin.  I cannot wait to dig in once I've finished Our Mutual Friend.  
• While researching and pulling books for the library display, I came across Dickens' Fur Coat and Charlotte's Unanswered Letters: The Rows and Romances of England's Great Victorian Novelists by Daniel Pool.  I've added it to my ever-growing TBR pile!

Alright folks, that's it for me this week.  I promise to write more thoroughly next week!   Hit me up with your links on Charles Dickens in the comments section.

Happy Reading!

Happy Anniversary, Sam

This anniversary weekend has not gone as planned.  Alas, the dratted snot monster has attacked me.  Instead of romance and the dark chocolate espresso soaked cake I had planned on baking , I am in bed with chills and body aches. 

But this weekend has certainly proved that I have married me a damn good man.  I am laying in bed right now and listening to Sam cook dinner, care for the kids, and handle housework.  He has brought me medicine and tissues.  He loves me so much and I am such a lucky women. 

He made me a Thai curry dinner last night, gave me a lovely frame for our wedding pictures with sweet nothings written on the frame.  He painted me a picture.  And he surprised me with the new Charles Dickens biography.

I love you, Sam, and you have made me the happiest woman. 

My Collection Development Policy

I work in a library as a library assistant and am quite familiar with the useful purposes of a collection development policy.  Essentially a collection development policy guides a library's purchasing choices and also assists with weeding.  Collection Development policies ensure that a collection meets the needs and desires of users.  I can't believe I didn't think to write a policy for my own book-buying until a few months ago.  And it has taken me until last week to go about actually writing it down.

This is how I knew it was time:

Summertime.  The night of the Harry Potter 7.2  midnight movie.  In Barnes and Noble.  $25 in my pocket.  Absolutely panicked.  Finally I have a chance to buy books.... but what?  I can only buy one or two items and there's so much!  Fiction? Classics? Non-Fiction?  Ack!!!!!!!  I finally chose a novel, but the process was disconcerting.  I was overwhelmed with choices, limited with funds, and had no idea what I even wanted.  I had a title or two in my head, but when I couldn't find those on the shelves I felt severe anxiety.  Booknerd Anxiety.

A few weeks later, a repeat.  Same summer, but this time a used bookstore.  $20 in my books and too many choices.  Same issue.

Then this fall a completely different problem.  I blew $20 at the charity library sale and came home with close to 40 books.  I just grabbed what looked interesting and now I don't know where to put them all. 

Okay.  Seriously.  I need a collection development policy. 

Amanda's Collection Development Policy

General Scope:  Mostly British / Classics / Women Writers / Historical Fiction

Collected Presses:  Virago / Persephone / NYRB

Areas of Collection Growth:

Poets:  Sylvia Plath / Anne Sexton / Edna St. Vincent Millay / T.S. Eliot / W.B. Yeats

Story Collections:  From collected authors (see Authors list) / Mystery / Gothic and Ghostly / Historical / Fables and Fairy Tales

Historical Periods and Interests (for topical fiction and non-fiction collection):  Victorian / History of the Book / Memoirs and Biographies by and/or about writers / British History 1400-1600 / Bohemian Leftbank / WWI, WW2, and in between / Classic Art / Fables and Fairy Tales

Authors:  Sharon Kay Penman / The Brontes / Elizabeth Gaskell / Charles Dickens / Wilkie Collins / Evelyn Waugh / Angela Carter / Elizabeth Bowen / Shirley Jackson / Margaret George / Simone de Beauvoir / Virginia Woolf / George Eliot / E M Forster / John Galsworthy / Sylvia Townsend Warner / Rebecca West / Emile Zola / Iris Murdoch / Barbara Pym / Patricia Highsmith / A S Byatt / H P Lovecraft / M R James / Margaret Atwood

Those are the basic parameters. 

Here are essential questions to ask before buying a book:

• Is this item in good shape?
• Is it from a press I collect or an area of collection growth?

Questions to Ask After Reading (must answer "yes" to at least four of the following questions to keep the book:

• Will I read this again?
• Will I wish to consult this item again?
• Do I wish to lend this title to friends/family or save it for my children?
• Is this a press I collect?
• Does this fall within the areas of collection growth?
• Is this a quality item (in good shape, excellent translation, etc....)?

Now I have a plan when I shop.  First check for the presses I collect, second check my author list, third check for poetry and short stories, and fourth check for non-fiction titles.

This really really really makes me want to buy more books just to check out the policy.  My next book-nerd clean up task is to do a massive book reorganizing, create a plan of attack for reading my books that I'm not sure I'll keep, and then updating my LibraryThing (which is vastly incorrect and hasn't been updated in two years). 

Cheers for my nerdy OCD! 

Give me some feedback?  What do you think of my policy? Do you have a policy?

Photo Friday: What $15, 30 childless minutes, and a charity bookshop will get you...

This week has been a busy week and weird.  My normally normal work schedule was thrown off and messed me up royally.  Usually I work days with a closing shift on Wednesdays.  This week I closed on Sunday, Wednesday, and Thursday.  And I worked 6 days in a row (one shift was a mere 3 hours, but it felt sooooooo long).  And we had a ginormous rat in the library that -- of course -- showed up during my shift.  And it rained some more in the library.  And we had creepy half-propped back door open at 10pm in the library and I had to investigate.  And students were screaming at me about holds because they hadn't returned the $311 worth of books they borrowed in 2010 and how dare I prevent their registering late....

OMG.  Can I have a bakery/bookstore/coffeeshop/vintage boutique/embroidery shop yet?  I like my actual job duties (ILL) but I can not take the random ridiculous bullshit.  Seriously, I would not be surprised if I walk in on a plague of locusts on Tuesday.  I am working on a Charles Dickens display and that rocks.  I'm totally planning on making a Victorian Sponge Cake for the library in early February in celebration of Charles Dickens's birthday.  Book dorks who bake are eccentric creatures. 

There is good stuff going on too... it just seems like my messed up sleep pattern/work schedule has impacted my reading and mood.  Good things -- anniversary weekend!  Sam and I were going to go on a mega-thrifting day trip but the co-parent, Shannon, has the flu, so we've tweaked our plans.  My MIL is coming over for a few hours so we can get lunch and do something.  I want to go bowling.  Sam wants to "walk around."  I say bowling sounds more exciting!

I got a hair cut.  I made a lot of good recipes.  Baked a pan of brownies.  Figured out my collection development policy (nerd snort).  Listened to loads of Magnetic Fields.  Drank more coffee than healthy.  Oh, and I LOST 5 LBS.  Yay!

Tonight I'm going to attempt bed at a decent hour (if going to bed at 11pm and waking at 5am is decent.  See you cats later.

Charles Dickens Month -- Post the Second

Here is is, Charles Dickens Tuesday once again.  Let's get started!

I haven't read as much of Our Mutual Friend as I would like I'm on page 134 (and let me remind you it is over 800 pages long) and I am enjoying the story so far.  My problem is that a Charles Dickens is not an "on the go" type of book.  Dipping into it while on break at work, or in line, or while dinner is cooking isn't advisable.  One must plunge head first into a Dickens tome and expect to put down roots.  Atticus was ill this weekend with an ear infection (a temperature of over 102!) and I didn't have much time to get lost in Dickensian settings.  But this week will be different.  I'm determined to get a solid chunk read by next Tuesday.

I don't even know how to explain the plot to you thus far.  I've been introduced to a bevy of characters:  Noddy and his wife who adores Fashion have recently seen their place in society lifted due to an unexpected inheritance, the Wilfer family who have been disappointed in some finances they hoped to gain by their daughter's marriage, the Mr. and Mrs. Lammle who I believe are up to no good and a bevy of others in society -- low and high -- and they will all figure in the plot in some fashion.  I'm expecting money will truly be the root of all evil in this book.

Monday evening I began watching the Daniel Radcliffe version of David Copperfield with Hope.  We just finished the first episode and it is quite good.  I haven't read the book since high school, but it is all coming back to me.  I love Maggie Smith's spunk as David Copperfield's aunt and Hope was tickled that "so many Harry Potter" folks were in the film.  We actually had a "teachable moment" while watching.  Hope was asking about the mistreatment of David Copperfield.  The idea of being flogged for not knowing lessons horrified her and she was also concerned when we discussed child labor and the Industrial Revolution. She really liked the film and wants to read the book one day (her ADHD can make large books quite a challenge to read).  Oh, yeah, I also forgot how slimy and creepy Uriah Heep is... shudder....


I keep telling myself quality not quantity... I hope you all have a terrific week.

The Night Circus -- A Recipe

I had every intention on posting my reaction to The Night Circus yesterday but between an evening shift at work, a sick little boy, and an inability to clearly articulate my thoughts it just didn't happen.  I feel a bit silly even posting about The Night Circus; endlessly reviewed on book blogs, this novel of magicians in love and war has been hovering on the periphery of my reading for ages.  I finally decided to delve in and tried my best to push aside all preconceived notions and expectations.  I cracked open my book on New Year's Eve and prepared to "read in the New Year".  I believed I could finish that book in one night. Oh I could have finished the book in one night, but I stopped myself.; I simply couldn't bring myself to let the book end.  It was that good. Besides the gorgeous images, my favorite thing about The Night Circus was that it reminded me of many of my favorite novels, movies, and authors.  Let me make it clear that this wasn't a case of Morgenstern's novel being a pale imitation of a favorite novel, rather it was more like she took the mythology of a myriad of magical things I love and made something new, but with a nod to the old.

Sounds delicious, eh?  It is.  And I've included the recipe for The Night Circus to better sum up my reading experience:

The Night Circus:

Ingredients:
4 Cups Angela Carter's work
2 Cups wonderfully atmospheric color palette of black and white
Dash of red
3 Cups of Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell
5 Tablespoons of Geek Love
4 Cups of damn fine writing
1 Cup of The Prestige
1 Quart ingenuity 
Pinch of Harry Potter
Dash of Neil Gaiman


Mix Angela Carter's work with the color palette and dash of red.
Blend in Jonathan Strange and Mr. Norrell, Geek Love, damn fine writing and The Prestige.
Create a well in the center and pour in ingenuity, fold in.
Sprinkle with Harry Potter and Neil Gaiman.


Bake at 387 pages.  Serve with nighttime, cup of tea, and page-turning dazzlement.

There you are, your very own Night Circus recipe.  Needless to say as my first read of 2012 Morgenstern's novel has set the bar quite high for my other reads!

Dear Darling Blog

www.nataliedee.com


Dear Darling Blog,

I know it is only Friday and we just hung out on Tuesday, but I feel like I haven't seen you in forever.  I went back to work and things have been CRAZY!  Lots to do at work (type file type email schedule mail chat groan).  Lots to do at home (nurse cook clean homework parenting laundry).  And then there are the little quiet things I need to keep me sane (read bake read stitch read knit read crochet read write read).  I have this awful fear that you will slip away and become a mere shadow of your quirky little self.

I value our relationship.  You just really listen so well and you let me say what I want and you like my shitty pictures of all my wee hobbies and the endless cute pictures of the kiddos.  Really what our relationship needs is some prioritizing.  Making time for you is important and I'm not going to let my weirdly placed anxieties (no one will like me) or my more bizarre hobbies (although I don't think OCD organizing of kitchen cupboards at 3am is a hobby) or my crazy life as wife/mother/librarychica keep me from you.

So prioritizing it is.  I made a little schedule so we can talk about our feelings or strengthen our bonds or do what ever the heckfire it is we do here, because I love you, hard.  If I have a topic already in place in my weak little mind then when I do have time for us to hang out it will be much easier to get the ball going.

Ok, Blog, here is my new little blog schedule.  Me making time for you.  Because I care. so. much. for. some. odd. reason.

January
Sunday -- Sunday Salon (a bookish time)
Monday -- Making Monday (recipes, crafts, stitches, etc...)
Tuesday -- Charles Dickens Tuesday
Wednesday -- Web Wanderings (pintrest boards, memes, links, etc)
Thursday -- On the Home Front (mom stuff, marriage stuff, maybe even more recipes)
Friday -- Photo Friday

I'm not sure of the correct way to finish this little letter.  I suppose I could say "you had me at 'new post'".  Or I could just admit that "I can't quit you." But what it comes down to is "you complete me;" for some reason, my little memories and observations bring me joy and peace and happiness.  Blog, you are worth making time to write because when I write about my life in this public of a venue I realize how much I have to appreciate and that always makes my day a bit brighter.

Here's looking at you, Blog.

XOXOXO,
Amanda

Charles Dickens Month -- Post the First

Last night, once the baby was in bed, I made a large mug of hot cocoa and listened to the wind whipping the tree branches outside.  I scooped up the cat and made for my Comfy Spot on the sofa.  I thought that the cold wintery night would be PERFECT for finishing the last 30 pages of The Night Circus.  I settled in and then looked at my books stack.  Oh.  Right.  There, beneath The Night Circus, Our Mutual Friend was waiting patiently.  Waiting as he has been for the past five years that he has lived on my TBR shelf.  I love Charles Dickens, but I have to be "in the mood" and I really wanted to finish my current book. 

I did the Responsible Thing and put The Night Circus back on the table and picked up Our Mutual Friend.  "After all," I said to the cat, "I can't host a Dickens month and then cease participating."  I decided to give myself thirty minutes.  Thirty minutes of large Victorian novel and THEN I could go back to reading a delicious tale concerning a magical circus. 

I set a timer on my phone, cracked open Our Mutual Friend and read:

"In these times of ours, though concerning the exact year there is no need to be precise, a boat of dirty and disreputable appearance, with two figures in it, floated on the Thames, between Southwark Bridge which is of iron, and London Bridge which is of stone, as an autumn evening was closing in." 

I was hooked.... I read and read and read.  I shut off the timer to squeeze in a few more pages and before I knew it an hour had passed.

I'm less than 50 pages in (teeny print and I'm a slow reader), but already my mind is turning over the story.  I've been introduced to a bevy of  characters and I haven't really read enough to truly know how all the stories are linked.  I will say that this book, like many of Dickens's novels, is about money.  In fact, it is reminding me of Little Dorrit which I read last year and adored.  I hope to plunge deeper into the novel this week and write more on the plot and characters next Tuesday. 

 I can't wait to hear about what you all are reading (or watching or listening) concerning Charles Dickens. 


Okay, now a bit of housekeeping:

Originally I said that everyone should post about Dickens every Tuesday up to and including February 7th.  I now realize that this is kinda silly.  I know that people have schedules and plans and lives.  So instead I propose that you can write a post concerning Dickens whenever you jolly well feel like it and then simply leave a comment on my most current Dickens post with a link to your Dickens post. However, the cut off for posting for giveaway purposes will be 11:59pm on Tuesday, February 2nd. I will be posting every Tuesday.  Does that work for everyone?  I believe we have close to 30 people participating.  Yay! 

Alright folks, leave your URLs in the Comments section and I'll do my best to visit your posts by the end of the week.  Happy Reading!

2011 in Pictures

January

 

 

 

 

February

 

 

 

 

 

March

 

 

April

 

 

 

May

 

 

June

July

 

 

August

September

October

November

December

It was really difficult to pick pictures this year.  I have so many good memories!  I hope 2012 proves to be just as rich with joy.

2011 Reading Wrap-Up

I had the oddest surprise today.  I was nearly positive that this reading year has been far better than last year.  According to the stats, I read more in 2010!  In 2010 I read 48 books and 17,398 pages.  This year I read 43 books and 14,907 pages.  I feel like my reading experience was much richer this year.  I read good books in 2010, but I also got married, moved to a new home, and had a baby all in the space of a year; I was reading, but I was also quite distracted.

In last year's tradition, I'm going to post my end-of-the-year reading wrap-up post.  I used the format from last year, but I also stole borrowed some questions/stats from A Work in Progress because I <3 her blog. 

Best Books (in random order):
Saplings by Noel Streatfeild
Little Dorrit by Charles Dickens
Savage Beauty:  The Life of Edna St. Vincent Millay by Nancy Milford
Elizabeth I: A Novel by Margaret George
Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel
Excellent Women by Barbara Pym
The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick

Worst Book:
A tie between Fables #13: The Great Fables Crossover by The Red Queen by Phillipa Gregory

Most Disappointing:
Alice I have Been by Melanie Benjamin

Most Surprising (in a good way):
The Invention of Hugo Cabret by Brian Selznick

Book I recommended the most:
Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel and Excellent Women by Barbara Pym

Best Series:
The Sally Lockhart series by Philip Pullman

Favorite New Authors:
Richmal Crompton, Noel Streatfeild, Nancy Milford, Margaret George, Rumer Godden, Hilary Mantel, and Brian Selznick

Most Hilarious Read:
Excellent Women by Barbara Pym

Most Thrilling, Unputdownable Read:
Room by Emma Donoghue

Book I most anticipated reading in 2011:
Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel

Favorite Cover:

Most Memorable Character:
Lady Audley from Lady Audley's Secret

Most Beautifully Written:
Saplings by Noel Streatfeild

Greatest Impact:
Savage Beauty by Nancy Milford (It made me remember how much I enjoy non-fiction!)

Book I can't believe I waited so long to read:
A toss-up between In this House of Brede by Rumer Godden, Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel, and Excellent Women by Barbara Pym

Best Comfort:
Excellent Women by Barbara Pym

Bleakest:
Saplings by Noel Streatfeild

Book that took me forever to read (in a good way):
Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel

Book where I had no clue what was going on:
Wolf Hall by Hilary Mantel (it took me a bit to get into the POV)

Most Obnoxious Character:
The "other woman" in Someone at a Distance by Dorothy Whipple and Amy Dorrit's father in Little Dorrit



2011 Stats:

Pages Read: 14,907
Number of Books: 43
Challenges completed:  1 (what the fuck?)
Fiction:  30
Non-Fiction: 5
Graphic Novels: 6
Short Story Collections: 2
Books by men: 13
Books by women: 29
Books by both: 1
Plays: 0
Poetry Collections: 0
Virago: 1
Persephone: 4
NYRB: 0
Library books: 32
Books from my stacks: 11
Multiple books by same author: 4 -- Joe Hill, Bill Willingham, Susan Hill, and Brian Selznick

Okay folks -- onto 2012!  Read or Die, people, Read or Die!